I know, I know… you all come here because of how integrated I am into the fabric of the game. Raiola dinner parties, Mendes poker games, beers with Vik Akers… sure, that’s my life, but did I tell you about the time I was on the plane with an agent who reckoned he knew Elneney and he told me the Egyptian was possibly leaving?
No, I didn’t. But I am telling you now because Leicester has been linked with him for £10m. I really like the Egyptian. No nonsense, no fuss. Just a great engine, some neat passing and a good frame for getting in the mix of the physical challenge that is the Premier League. I think he’s the sort of squad player you want to keep on the books, but that’s just me.
In other news, David Luiz has perked up Arsenal fans by lavishing praise juice all over our new SUPER STAR STRIKER SIGNING.
“Lacazette is a top player, top striker. I had many opportunities to play against him in France and he was always difficult. Arsenal did well to take him.
“What makes him so good? He has the timing to go into the space, he finishes well, he can score many goals, he can assist. So he is a top-level player.”
That’s high praise from one of the most successful defenders of the last ten years. Especially considering he didn’t need to make those comments. He could have just said, ‘he’ll have to adapt to a tougher league, and stop crying all the time’, which would have suffice.
I do have to say, in general, I’ve been kind of flatlined by how poorly the Premier League seems to have spent money this summer. I mean, some good players, but for a league so loaded and stupid, we really are lacking blockbuster names. PSG are raiding Barcelona for Neymar to the tune of £220m, and we’re clapping away at the Premiership making marquee signings of Lacazette, Moratta, and Lukaku. All good players, but if this were a sexual escapade, it’d be dry and very apologetic.
Remember the summer of Ruud Van Nistelrooy and Francis Jeffers? Those were the days…
Jokes aside, I’m sure they’ll all score goals. But where’s the flair of Thierry, Aguero in his pomp, Didier Drogba?
We’ll see though. Three very different strikers. Someone is going to win and someone is going to lose.
I really wish Arsenal would move a bit harder on the squad. Wenger looks like he’s taking another marginal gains summer, instead of being brutally honest about what he needs and making moves. I mean, West Ham are going all out, and you cannot knock their moves. Joe Hart, Marco Arnautovic, Zabaleta, Hernandez, and Lazio’s Keita (who looks a real gem in the making).
That’s a seriously aggressive summer. It’s the sort that takes you from shite to competing in for the top 6 if you’re lucky.
Where are our heavy moves? What takes us from 5th to 1st? A back up left back and a striker won’t solve our problems. Goals were not really our issue last season. Where are the upgrades? Where are the players that are going to fundamentally change how we play? Where are the leaders that we lacked last year? Where is the forward planning so we don’t end up in the dumpster next summer?
I really feel it’s arrogant. I mean, things could change very quickly. Just have my doubts. You look at our summer and you can’t help but think Wenger will think it’s job done because he had a go at doing big signing… and we know, because we’ve seen time and time again, that he’ll be more than happy to park signing a left winger and a major striker because he’ll be looking at maybe next season (Waiting 3 seasons for Santi / 2 for Chamakh / 2 for Baptista).
Wenger, always pining for tomorrow… which is why we’ll never be a serious club under his watch. No impetus to kick on because he’s essentially invincible.
I feel next season is basically going to be about 3 at the back and whether that can shake us into a title winning team, versus accepting we’re rotten, and carving out the nasty bits.
On the upswing of things, because life isn’t all DOOM DOOM DOOM. I am excited about the season.
I think there are some things to be positive about.
I DO like our new formation, even if it is copied. It allows us to play a free flowing style of football I’ve not seen in a while, it also seemed to energise our playing staff.
I AM excited to have a striker in the side that David Luiz is fearful of. That’s fucking massive. Having someone who is explosive and clinical, regardless of whether he is Thierry, is very important. We’ll have to deal with the lack of physicality, and I do worry he’s a bit of a Wiltord, but hey, he looks an improvement.
I am very excited about Iwobi maybe coming good. I’m hoping Hector plays a stronger role in the new setup. I think this could be a breakthrough year for Chambo. I also think Holding could be an immense figure this season. Call me crazy, but I really, really, really like Emi Martinez. That penalty save was superb. I think his frame and growing maturity could be interesting.
I’m also super interested to see what our season looks like if we squash the contracts into shape so we don’t have collective what-the-fuck is-going-on-itis rampaging through the squad like the shits after an rotten Italian lasagna party.
That’s me done.
IT’S TOO POSTIVE I AM GOING TO BED.