Arsenal to make it 4 Barcelona stars | LG scout potential star | Jenkinson makes superb start

June 11, 2011

On the radar...

I needed a Saturday to give me a break from all the fevered transfer speculation.

Yesterday it emerged from make believe land that Gervinho was in talks with Manchester City and Arsenal. Apparently City want to pay  €168k a week (I hope some of that can contribute to a new hair cut) and a  €17million fee for a player who to me, looks no better than average. How can you compete with that if true?

Well, that’s the point, I’m not sure if it is true. What might be true is that Arsenal are in negotiations with Lille because the BBC said so… they also gave a very strong hint they weren’t lying when they said…

Very Arsenal wouldn’t you say? If we can’t get a player for at least 60% below market rate, generally, we’ll spend our £3million on someone who is 18 years old with a 22% chance of making it.

I feel some form of entitlement to slight French/African’s, much in the same way Barcelona feel entitlement to anyone who plays for Arsenal. If we miss out on Gervinho, some serious questions need to be asked…

Maybe if our midgets played with machete’s against Stoke, we wouldn’t get bullied. Just a thought…

Anyway, at least things are busying along nicely. If we miss out on Gervinho, we have the makings of a pretty good, ‘who we missed out ‘ 2011 squad.

Brad Freidel, Phil Jones, Chris Smalling and Gervinho!

Marvelous, lets see if we can end the summer with a full squad!

All of this transfer speculation reminds me of when I was a youngster. I remember when I was about 13 years old my mum asked me to come down stairs as I was in trouble. I walked down and saw the phone bill on the table, I knew I’d been busted.

‘Pedro, we know what you’ve been up to. Phoning porn lines is disgusting, especially the amount you’ve been doing it and at times when your grand parents have been round.’

‘Mum, I haven’t been phoning porn lines.’

‘Lying about it will only make it worse, we’ll call them shall we?’

>0906 611 111< Dialed on speaker phone

Loudspeaker: ‘ Welcome to Saturday the 23rd of Junes edition of Clubcall, today Arsenal launched an official bid for Patrick Kluivert…’

I’m not sure which my mum was more disappointed in… sad fact was, in the days of internet dial up, the teletext Clubcall teasers were the only way a man could get hold of some made up transfer gossip. Now you’ve got twitter accounts dedicated to it, it’s staggering the amount of toilet that is spoken on line. We’re all like addicts though, devouring any snippet of information we can get our hands on.

Arsene Wenger has got his hand in the Barcelona sweet jar again, no, I’m not talking about the jar Pep Guardiola keeps in his Seat Leon’s glove compartment, I’m talking about the metaphorical jar called La Masia. He’s in for sweet 16′s Gerard Deulofeu & Xavier Quintilla. Now, I don’t really give two craps about either of them really, what I do care about is there seems to be far more focus on the kids than the seniors. We’re obviously paying someone in Spain to camp out in a high rise apartment block over looking the academy playground which in any other walk of life would probably result in your hard drive being seized.

Not only that, it appears our Chief Scout Steve Rowley has been checking out Oxlade-by-the-power-of-Braveskull-Chamberlain and a 17 year old Nottingham Forest defender called Jamaal Lascelles. That’s a major FFS moment for me. Can we for one second just stop buying up every kid on the planet? It’s ridiculous, if not just for the reason that come the end of the summer when our squad of missed targets is at 52, Wenger will say the players weren’t there to begin with. There isn’t enough focus on digging out players in the right age group. Steve Rowley should be hanging out in proper stadiums, not Championship reserve fields.

One kid that I’m now sold on is Jenkinson. The guy who is part Finish, like my first ever boss, spoke to Arsenal.com yesterday and done himself proud.

“My dad has been a season ticket holder for 40-odd years and has been going regularly since he was a kid.

“He brought me up as an Arsenal fan and I’ve been going since I was young. I even went to a few games last season. My whole family are all massive Arsenal fans.

“I was always a big fan of Tony Adams and I’m reading his book at the moment. He was always someone I looked at as a great leader. He is a player I can learn a lot from and I will be looking to follow in his footsteps.”

Those quotes are superb, if he can match the quality of those quotes to footballing skills, perhaps we have ourselves a bit of a player. It’s nice to finally have a youngster that’s in at the club not banging on about how amazing Arsene Wenger is. Instead, he’s telling us his old man is a season ticket holder and that he’s reading the book where Tony Adam’s messes himself on a bar stool. What a champion first interview. Hopefully he’ll have a bit of Adams about him and the first thing he’ll do is give Diaby a dry slap for his Spurs comments. Some people were saying yesterday his comments were a joke.

Worst joke ever Diaby and that’s coming from me.

I don’t believe for a second the comments were taken out of context. I truly believe he’s agitating for a move. Let him go, he’s part of the deadwood crew. The more we can chop out, the better in my book.

Finally, I’ll leave you with some poignant comments from Robin Van Persie, future captain of the club I feel.

“Every year it always goes wrong in an identical way and that is frustrating,” said Van Persie. “When you look at results in the last years, then Arsenal shouldn’t be talking about winning the league because too many times things have gone wrong.

“Sometimes you have to eat the truth and be realistic. But I do believe with the signing of a number of players, then next season we should be in there competing for prizes.”

Give him the tools Wenger and he will be king!

Right, that’s your lot!

See you in the comments!

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Wojciech Szczesny to be ousted as number 1 | Massive transfer day | Arsenal clear out to begin

June 10, 2011

So much going off this morning.

Firstly Nasri is believed to be considering a move to United. He’s apparently disillusioned with the lack of success at Arsenal. Fair shout so are the fans. However, if he can’t see he has been part of the problem I hold no hope he’ll change his attitude next season. This is a massive ‘wake up and smell the coffee’ moment for Wenger. That air of trust he used to have is dissipating faster than Steve Macclaren’s hair.

Samir Nasri prior to 5th June was averaging 40 mentions a day in the world of Social media. Since the 5th, he’s had a whopping 12500 mentions across Facebook, twitter and the blogosphere. Is that exclusive pirate material? You bet your ass it is…

Basically, there has been a lot of b*llocks spoken about him, countless people have the ‘inside line’, fact is, no one knows what’s going on. Is it an agent ploy for more money or is it a genuine break for the hills?

I spoke to my contact Pam, who as you all know, is as genuine as they come, and she knew nothing. That doesn’t really mean anything, all but the most important people at Arsenal are on holiday right now.

Next move on the card is Gael Clichy. Apparently Liverpool have bid £5million for him. It sounds like a low price but let’s remember just how poor he’s been for the past 3 seasons. Shipping out a player I really like is a bad thing, shipping out an under performer in the cold light of day is what big club should be doing. To be honest, the way Kenny is spending, I reckon he’d have bid £5mill if Gael was out of contract.

We should now be able to realise our dream of Vertoghen. I know he was pulled off at half time for having a bad game, but Eden Hazard was the player who took the biggest panning from that game, so I’ll take international performances with a massive pinch of ‘ I don’t give a f*ck.’

We could also look at retro haircut Leyton Baines, his barnet would surely make up for the loss of Clichy. He’s never impressed me, but he’s highly rated by many Everton fans… and he’s English.

Next up is the rumours that Barca are in for Cesc. Well, that story for me is dead in the water. Barca have stated they have £45million to spend and they’re already tying down other players like the £22million Alexis Sanchez. We don’t need to take a small fee and we won’t. If Cesc wants to go so badly we should do what Geoff said. Give Madrid a call and say you can have Cesc and we’ll take Benzema and Ozil. I could live with that. It’s not money we need it’s players.

Oh, and can everyone stop mentioning Krkic, it’s like taking my iPad away and offering me a Kindle as compensation.

We’re also in advance stage talks for Willian and Gervinho according to the Telegraph. I remember Willian from last season and he was a handful. As for the Gervinho story, I can’t help but think he’s another one of those just above average players teams like Villa and Everton have … You know, like Rosicky. He’s not rocking my world, but we’ll see!

Besiktas are in for Nik B… *snigger

Speaking of Pam, the only interesting snippets I garnered were that the manager and others at the club fear Szczesny has become a bit arrogant of late and his performances haven’t exactly merited his ‘Nikki Big B*llocks’ statements in the press. So whilst I’m not going to say the Freidel move definitely happened, it might not be far from the truth. We could well be looking at a mature keeper to handle the reigns for a season or two. I wouldn’t be against that. Szczesny has brough an air of stability to our defence, but to be honest, Peter Shilton right now could have done that.

On the transfer front, I reported that before the Villa game, we weren’t going for wholesale changes. Since then, the massive fat hand of reality has dry slapped Wenger into reality. The Villa game really did confirm the widely held fan view that the players didn’t give a crap. If you can’t fight to the death when you’ve charitably been given a chance by all the other contenders, you’re really not Arsenal material.

Players for the chop are certainly Bendtner, Denilson and Eboue. Others set to follow should be Traore, Vela, Rosicky, Almunia and possibly Squillaci. Though don’t get too carried away about the Frenchman, he’s apparently a great guy to have around the players and he’s a good professional.

It’s been reported that we’ve entered the frame for wing wizard Eden Hazard. Apparently we’re in talks for the man from Belgium and we’ve held provisional negotitations. Kind of goes against anything the player or the chairman of Lille have been saying, but what do I know! This would be a great move, but not against the back drop of losing Nasri to either City or United. That really would be killer, mind you, not as killers as waiting a year then losing him on a free.

Still… let’s stay positive and hope he decides to sign up. Manchester is a s*it hole and it’s a long way from the Eurostar.

Keep it real Sammy, keep it London.

Not just that though, if United sign Ashley Young, what would be the point of Samir? Ok, I know he likes playing in the middle, but he’s never demonstrated any ability there. He’s hardly creative and I’d be surprised if Fergie was willing to choose him centrally over the far more talented Sneijder? If he does decide to take him though, we’ll deal with it.

Samir Nasri is like a Gucci manbag, he’s only good for one season (Fashion season baby)… literally.

What we have learned since last year is an unhappy player is a mentally injured player. Ship them out and bring in some players who do want to play for us. If we’ve got £16million to sign Phil Jones, we should have £15million to sign Cahill (If Gael is worth £5million going into the final year of his contract at a club with more money than anyone in Europe, why is Cahill worth £17mill in the last year of his contract at a club £80million in debt?).

Let’s hope Wenger has more than one plan this summer. If we can nab Benzema, let’s have a crack, he’s good for 10 years and he’s clearly got plenty of talent and a helluva lot more to give than he’s giving Mourinho. Let’s sign a centre midfielder as well, Inler looked the part again, he’s still slumming it in Italy, he’d probably relish a move.

There are players out there and after speaking to Pam, I’m confident we’re going after them… whether we’ll get them is up to Arsene Wenger!

Hallelujah! Let’s get this summer cracking!

UPDATE: A word for Diaby on the admitting he sometimes wears a Spurs shirt. Firstly, once you’re past the age of 14, wearing a football shirt in the street isn’t cool. Secondly, our friendship from a few years back when we sat next to each other, well, it’s over. Spurs are 100% welcome to you. They’ll get 2 good games a season from you out of a total of 18 you’ll play. You might look like Patrick Vieira, but my god, you play like his sister and have ankles his grandma would mock. One thing I will say, your dream of winning the Ballon D’or isn’t going to happen at Spurs.

Muppet… what has our club become when players can openly talk inflammatory nonsense like that unreprimanded?

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Jenkinson is the first summer signing… £15million man on the way next!

June 9, 2011

Karl Jenkinson

Yesterday marked the first signing of the summer and it was Charlton’s right back Karl Jenkinson. We brought him in for £3million off the back of 9 appearances in League 1. Now, in Wenger money, that seems quite expensive. Speaking to people across the web, there seem to be many mixed views. Some Charlton fans think he’s an excellent prospect, some other Charlton fans seem to be pretty non-plussed about him.

Particularly interesting are the comments on Young Guns extracted from Charlton’s youth writer…

“He’s a gamble, he’s not not as proven as Jonjo Shelvey was at first team level, but one worth you taking I think. With better players around him, who are more comfortable on the ball, you will see him pass the on the floor and show his real quality.”

For me, that’s hardly high praise. Being comfortable on the ball in League 1 is hardly an achievement so I won’t be getting too excited about his arrival at the moment. He sounds like a pretty average stop gap but looking at the bigger picture, it tells us a couple of things.

1) Eboue is finally on the way out. Karl is a tall right back by trade and hopefully this means the end of Eboue’s career.

2) Wenger might have recognised that you can find good defenders in the lower reaches of the English football league as well as other leagues in Europe.

3) Wenger is serious about addressing our height issue.

4) Wenger is learning the hard way that crap English players have more resale value than average foreigners (He’s Finnish by passport, English by birth place).

What a boat...

In other news, Manchester United have pipped us once again to a target. This time they beat us to the signing of Phil Jones of Blackburn Rovers. We were interested in signing him last year when he was available for £8million, we told here that we had been scouting him, as usual though, we dithered, then apparently we bid for him yesterday but unsurprisingly he opted to move to Manchster United and has tied up a deal worth £16million with them. When you’re a pro footballer and the money is the same, you’re always going to go where the trophies seem most likely. We’ve lost out twice to United with defenders and I can’t help but think the biggest reason is because 1) We wait too long 2) We are ridiculously gamble averse unless it’s a kid.

Liverpool also tied up a deal for Jordan Henderson yesterday, spunking a cool £13million + N’gog in the process.

Now, I don’t want Arsene Wenger to go out there and waste money on an average player, but the very fact Kenny Dalglish is prepared to go out and make bold signings like that makes me very jealous. What he’s doing, regardless of what we think, is injecting some excitement into Liverpool again. Players will be boosted, fans will be thrilled and there is a very high chance Liverpool will be the main challengers to our top 4 dominance next year over Spurs.

Apparently one of the best attributes of Henderson is his attitude, he very nearly didn’t get a pro contract at Sunderland, but his work ethic earned him that and apparently, he’s all about the staying after training to practice his weaknesses. I like the sound of that and wish some of our more talented players shared those values.

I’m not on the bandwagon that says our rivals have bought big and we’re buying out of the League One bargain basement. I don’t believe that’s a sign of our summer to come, it’s just how the cookie crumbled yesterday. Eboue is a very poor player and he needs to go, we’ve signed a promising under 21 to replace him. That works for me. What the early signing does prove is this incessant nonsense I hear during transfer window about it ‘only being 1 day old’ is a load of rubbish. The season has been over for more than a day, the deal for Jenkinson has probably been in place for a while, so there is no excuse for us not to get our business in order nice and early.

If Wenger is on holiday letting deals pass him by, that is disgraceful, the same happened last year and look what happened.

We should not be leaving all our business for mid-August, it’s disruptive and it smacks of bad planning. United won’t be doing that, nor will the others. We need to sort our squad out early.

Listening to Theo Walcott having a moan about not winning things at Arsenal hacked me off. What is it with our squad? Do they not realise the reason they’re not winning things is down them as a collective? I’ve watched Theo serve up a speciality of knock, run, fall over for 5 years. Now he’s had one good season where once again, he didn’t manage to play 30 games, he’s talking about the need to win trophies? Do me a favour Theo. Come back with nonsense like that when you’ve actually done something of note in a season. If you’ve got beef with your team mates, why don’t you man up and tell them on the pitch?

This is where my problem comes with Arsenal at the moment. We’ve got a squad of bickering children with no one forcing accountability on them. It’s like the players are all losing respect for each other and I can’t see that Arsene Wenger is the man to restore it. Still, don’t worry about it, Gervinho could be on his way. Another midget to add to our attacking arsenal! If we’re seriously considering him at £15million, you’d again have to ask what Giles Grimandi was doing last year when he was begging for a move to us from Le Mans?

“My mind is made up, I am leaving.

“I have made my mind up. I will soon meet the club and let them know, but they understand my feelings that I want to prove myself in a top league in Europe.

We’ll soon see whether it’s us or Newcastle he’s heading to… I hope it’s the Toon, this guy seems like a massive risk for the price.

It’s very easy to get beaten down during a transfer window, Liam Brady reckons we’re going to spend some serious money this window, I’m pretty sure he told us that last season as well. It’s my understanding that the coaches are not made aware of Wenger’s plans, so I wouldn’t get too excited about his comments. At least we know Arsenal are active and that a big bid was placed for Phil Jones, it’s exciting to know also that Wenger can tell us all next  year how he nearly signed him. I always love hearing those stories!

Thanks for all your questions yesterday, I’ll be pulling them together later on and I’ll send them off to Arsenal tonight.

Today’s task for you is to remind me of your best and worse memories of Emmanuel Eboue!

See you in the comments… which you may have noticed now lets you post under your Facebook profile, or your twitter profile! Exciting stuff, make sure you take advantage and say hi this summer!

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Competition: Win a question to ask Ivan Gazidis | Nasri lets rip at muppet fan… | Henderson £20mill?

June 8, 2011

So, sifting through 400 sites all regurgitating the same news was boring this morning, so I’ve elected to talk about the AST meeting on Monday.

For 30 shiny pound coins I have the opportunity to ask Ivan Gazidis any question I want, pretty good value for money if you ask me. Instead of putting my own question to the man in charge (Ivan, not Arsene), I’ve decided to throw it out to you to decide for me. If you could #hashtag your questions in the comments section as a question on its own, I’ll collate them, read through them and pick the best one and I’ll ask Ivan.

There are many topics you could pick up on, do remember though, some of the questions we’d love answered would receive a diplomatic non-informative answer… so choose wisely! You could ask something about commercial deals, season ticket price hikes, the real situation of the past 5 years with money, the return of David Dein, the poor quality pies and just how did Kerrea Gilbert secure a contract for so long?

I think Ivan Gazidis has to be given credit for attending this meeting in the first place, not many CEO’s would have the balls or the time to attend an open mic question and answer without any censorship. That’s pretty brave considering how poor our season has been and the obviously negative fan sentiment at the moment.

From what I understand, Ivan Gazidis is fully aware of the problems he has with Arsene Wenger. He’s not stupid, he’ll understand that the jeers in the ground aren’t good and he’ll understand the key to long-term growth is trophies in the cabinet. I’d imagine his hands have been very much tied since he’s arrived. If you’ve ever worked in change management, you’ll know that rocking up at a company that’s been successful and suggesting that actually, they could do things a bit better is tantamount to taking a dump on the board room table.

Arsene Wenger is a living legend at Arsenal. His ways are dated, no doubt. His methodologies are surprisingly stagnant and I think many would be shocked at quite how backward Arsenal’s set up is in certain areas even compared to clubs like Blackburn. Gazidis and Tom Fox know this but they can’t enforce change, it has to be suggested. A fantastic way to push the issue of change is to use the feelings of the fans. I believe Ivan will be using Monday as a sounding board. If you can report back that a number of issues are distressing the fans, you put pressure on the manager. Customer is king, especially at Arsenal where we’re responsible for a huge percentage of revenue.

Previous success leveraging fan anger can be cited when Arsene Wenger was cojouled into taking the cups more seriously. He’s also been convinced by Gazidis to go on a foreign tour to raise additional revenue. Perhaps if enough of a fuss is made of the lack of achievement he’ll be forced into bolstering the squad sufficiently. If he chooses to ignore the wishes of the board and the fans and it all goes horribly wrong, there will be no tears shed at his departure.

Tomorrow will also be good for clearing up transparency issues at the club, so think about that when jotting your question down.

I’ll collate all the questions together and I’ll forward them on to Mark Gonnella and hopefully that’ll give Ivan the chance to read and prepare. I’ll host the questions online so other people heading to the meeting can take some inspiration.

If you are going though, be prepared to like Ivan… he’s a slick salesman, don’t hold back on asking what you want though, it’s a great opportunity and hopefully he’ll have all the answers!

In other news…

Liverpool look set to conclude a deal for Jordan Henderson today for the princely sum of £20million. Now, I’ve not watched him extensively, but this feels very much like Kenny Dalglish trying to make a point about British players and for me, it seems like a very expensive point. How can someone at the age of 20 with negligible statistics command such a fee? We’re not talking about a Wayne Rooney type character here, we’re not talking about someone who single-handedly kept his team in contention (ala Charlie Adam), we’re talking about a good young English player who played for a Sunderland team that massively under achieved last season.

His sale feels like a modern-day Seth Johnson. I could understand Carroll for £35million, it was just passing on the Torres money, but even then, I thought, jeez, he’s just a more aggressive version of Nik B. In fact, 3 seasons ago, Nik B was scoring more goals and landing more assists than Carroll… and currently he’s worth about 25% of the value of the Englishman.

It truly is mad.

Still, I’d rather they sign him than us. If Henderson is worth £20million, Jack must be worth £40million, which must put Cesc… the best in the world in his position at £70million.

Oh, and can we just clear up the hype machine around Luka Modric because it really is making me want to vomit. He’ s a good player, of course he is. However, his ability has turned into some sort of football purists orgie. He’s not the best centre midfielder in the Premiership, to make such an assertion is beyond ridiculous. The same people stating that are the same talking about Bale in the same breath as Messi. Cesc Fabregas is the best centre midfielder in the Premiership based on cold hard statistics. He’s the most consistent, he generally scores the most goals and he generally bags the most assists. 16 assists and 10 goals in a poor season… versus Modric’s contribution of 4 assists and 5 goals in a season where Spurs dropped out of the top 4 and had the greatest player since Bale and Modric signed to them.

Twitter bicker…

So Rio Ferdinand embarrassed himself in shameful fashion. A journalist made a comment about that ‘accidental’ calendar clash that led to him missing a drugs test, so Rio launched into a tirade of abuse, which Ollie Holt revealed to the world. Bravo that man for exposing the bully that is Rio. Journalists owe the players nothing and the players have no right to say they don’t trust them when they’re involved in the scandals they are.

Nasri had it out with an online fan, basically offering the said tweeter the chance to meet him so he can show him what a c*nt looks like.

Now he’s either going to turn up armed with a copy of…

Or more likely, he’ll roll up with one of these chained to his vespa…

Anyway, I guess the key to all this is that footballers are indeed human and if you want to dish out the abuse, don’t expect not to receive some back. Twitter is a marvelous tool, the sad thing is though, that there are many tools using the service. Me? I just delete people who abuse, it’s boring engaging with morons. If you wouldn’t say it to someone’s face, don’t say it whilst hiding behind a blackberry, it makes you a coward.

Nice to see Nasri showing a bit of back bone if I’m honest, maybe he could show at bit on the pitch? He did say not to believe the rumours and that he’d make and announcement soon. Good news I say…

Anyway, remember the format for the Ivan questions….

1) It gets a comment of its own

2) #Question The write down whatever the question is…

See you in the comments!

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Nasri demands Wenger shows ambition | iPad winner announced | Low down on Henri

June 7, 2011

Gutten tag Grover’s, and welcome to Le Grove, first up today, someone from Norwich e-mailed from their Barnberry to give me a little bit of insight into Henri Lansbury, because I’ve got to be hoenest with you, Norwich games weren’t top of my agenda last season, I was too busy scouting Alcantra and Alvarez on foreign streams.

Gordon Eagling from CarrowRoad.net

‘Fair comment about Henri, he started off in his first match for us with a blinder, and never quite lived up to it, don’t get me wrong he is a talent, but considering his age, he’s still a little raw. I don’t question his desire and passion we saw that in abundance, he is nowhere near ready for your first team, when I compare him to Wilshere, he is a little way behind Jack for sure.

I’d love to see him back here at Norwich and get a few games, but like whoever gets in Paul Lambert’s squad will have to earn every second on the pitch.  Oh how we have changed!

Whatever happens I wish Henri all the very best, he will get there, I would say perhaps 2 more seasons before he can be a regular in the Premiership.’

So there you have it, straight from the mouth of a man who has ACTUALLY watched him all season. I think there is a tendancy to think that just because a player has come through our youth ranks, they’re going to be world class. Or just because they’re good looking with a swanky name, they’ll be better than Jack Jebb. Simple fact is, no one compares to the Jebster. Or the Wilshere…

Rumours are still strong about Gervinho, mainly because an agent who writes for the Mirror reckons a deal is close with Arsenal for a striker (I appreciate he played wide last year for Lille). I don’t want to piss on anyone’s transfer chips, but I could set up as a secret agent and say Arsenal are close to a deal with a striker. It’s kind of like setting up as a futurist and predicting there will be warm days in June. I’m just not sure this guy is good enough for us and his price tag makes me more hot under the collar than I was yesterday when a girl accused me of farting in the office kitchen…

The results of the Metro Fantasy football competition are in… and they go a little something like this.

Title First Name Surname PIN Team Name Points
Mr Marlon Lorde

4103481

 Loose Goose FC

22681
Mr Simon Wambua

4026241

 Socretes

21786
Mr ROBERT LOOKER

4032586

 ATHLETICO PATHETICO

21705
Mr Geoff Pryor

4060348

 Mr Bump

21465
Mr Geoff Pryor

4033886

 Mr Tickle

21399
Mr bart zisa

4076671

 barcacnts

21326
Mr chris arnold

4040070

 BloodSugarCescMagik

21250
Miss Yasmin Bishop

4001186

 GFFC

21215
Mr ROBERT LOOKER

4032635

 MAN CHEST HAIR UTD

21176
Miss claire bowers

4056817

 PATHETIC ATHLETIC

20967

If you want to congratulate the winner, find him on twitter here @CrazyGoose.

I’m a bit surprised to not see my name in the top 10, but there you go, I thought I’d give you all a chance. Mr Marlon Lord has an iPad winging its way to him. He’ll join an elite club of super cool people like BMW drivers, Hugo Boss suit wearers and owners of Breitling watches. You’ll laugh in the face of people who read their newspaper on conventional pulp, you’ll snigger at fools playing angry birds on small screens and you’ll start saying things like…

‘Ya, ya… I literally read that on my iPad yesterday’

Life is good when you own an iPad… literally.

The Samir Nasri story hotted up yesterday, the Guardian reporting the move is as much to do about money as it is to do with Arsene Wenger splashing some cash. Samir has heard the Wenger line about being ‘very active’ this summer, but he knows to be wary of this as I tweeted to him who our ‘you’ll be surprised’ signing was of 2 seasons ago.

I’m not sure whether there is anything concrete in this story, but you’d have to say that the players have probably been told season after season Wenger is going to be active. We’re in June now, nothing is moving, not even rumours… and if I was Samir, I wouldn’t want to see an exodus of dross replaced by the Lorient first team.

Whichever way you look at it, football is a business, players are only as good as their last season and if they can get more money and more success elsewhere, why wouldn’t they? When the invincibles earned what they earned, it didn’t matter because 1) They were rich enough 2) They were winning trophies.

Players at Milan do not generally earn top dollar, they play for the prestige of being at a club that in general, will always be in the hunt for trophies. When you’re playing for a club that is satisfied with a top four finish and a few nice away days in the Champions League, what is the point in staying on? When you retire, you either want to be the richest mercenary, or the most trophy laden. You’re not getting either at Arsenal.

Did you know Freddie Ljungberg never earned more than £40k a week at Arsenal? Nik B earns £50k a week now… shocking stuff.

The Times did a run down of who they think we’re in for… depressing reading really. Samba, Gervinho and Phil Jones… with a budget of £25million. They also reckon Arsenal along with Spurs are spending to make the top 4, not to win the league. Double depressing. Still, I’m not quite as suicidal as I would be if Arsenal were about to spend £20million and £80k a week on Jordan Henderson of Sunderland notoriety. If 3 goals and 5 assists earns you that sort of money, well jeez, it makes you wonder why I said no to a professional contract in football?

Other interesting stories in the world of football involve Newcastle electing to not offer Kevin Nolan a deal to keep him at the club, they’ve also taken the contract extension of super thug Joey Barton off the table and they’re selling Enrique. Mike Ashley truly is a masochist.

The player everyone is talking about apart from Arsenal fans this summer is Alexis Sanchez, the wing wizard from Udinese who was the only player in Serie A last year to score 4 goals in a game. 12 goals and 7 assists in 31 games has earned the admiring glances of City, Chelsea, United and Barcelona. He’s going for £22million and he’s quite a player… if you aren’t an expert in him, check out his video.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3iS8fPGTLYc&feature=related

You are now officially an expert. You’ve just experienced a day in the life of Giles ‘Youtuber’ Grimandi.

Finally, something for all you lonely season ticket holders out there. As you know, Le Grove has been helping to shift spare tickets for many years with great success. Well, I think that service is now about to come to an end, with the inception of a new breed of dating site… Love on the terrace… if you have a spare, don’t give it to fat Dave who ‘supports football’, give it to hot Julia who is definitely not on this dating site just to get a few free Premiership games a season.

Rumour has it, LadyArse is on the site, don’t trust her, she’s not in it for love…

I tried internet dating for two weeks once. Do you know how many dates I bagged? Zero… Well, jokes on the 450 women I creepily approached as I’m literally storming the Next modelling campaign, make sure you vote for me!

 

 

P.S. Happy Birthday to my brother, I’ve got a nice surprise waiting for you later…

Happy Birthday to you...

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Would you be bothered if Nasri left? | Poisonous hotdog horror avoided thanks to financial prudence

June 6, 2011

News leaked through to Gooners across the planet yesterday that Samir Nasri might not sign a new contract, even worse, he wouldn’t answer the question about United because he wasn’t sure if there was concrete interest.

“Do I want to go to United? First, we should see if it’s real and concrete.”

A marvelous display of loyalty and contract genius shown by Arsenal.

Surprising?

Not if you’ve followed this Arsenal blog where we’ve constantly highlighted the clubs poor efforts on the contract front. We sign duff players up to 19 year deals, we forget to sign the good ones up at all. We also forget that good players like to play for competitive teams and win trophies. When you’ve fostered a culture of accountability, none of your players see that they’re part of the problem, so looking for a new club seems like the best choice.

For me, the loss of Samir Nasri would be upsetting because he was half a shining light in a poor season. The cold hard facts are that if he’d shown some bottle and played the whole season in the manner he did the first three months, we’d probably be Premiership champions. He didn’t though… he slinked into the background, failed to show the required mettle and determination (along with many others) and as a result, we flunked out in all the major trophies.

Samir going to United would bother me for another reason as well. I think Alex Ferguson would get more out of him. I think he’d force him to work hard for the team and I think he’d shake his complacency. He’s top talent, I’m not sure he’s at the right club to draw that out of him. If Ferguson can’t get him to perform at the top on a regular basis, I can see him turning out to be a Robinho type figure. Genius or totally worthless on the pitch.

I don’t mean to turn this into Heat Magazine, but has anyone else noticed Samir’s double chin? Jeez, I’ve seen turkey’s with tighter gobbles…

This is a big test for Arsene Wenger. If the last years have proved anything it’s that Arsene Wenger doesn’t have the pulling power he used to. Keeping players has been a real struggle over the past few years as has attracting them in the first place. There’s only one market we’re managing well and that’s the children. You wonder whether our struggles with senior players have been Sugar Daddy related or manager focus related? Half assed bids for the press seem to be standard these days. Reina, Schwarzer, Mascharano, Alonso…

The other story that’s really worrying me is this persistent rumour about Gervinho. This is more worrying than finding our Ryan Giggs is your long lost brother and he’s decided to take your wife to Nando’s to make up for lost time. The Ivorian has had one good season with Lille and now people are talking about signing him up for £15million. France is hardly top class and for me, if we’re signing a striker from over there he should be banging in more than 15. If he’s not, then we’re signing another Chamakh, which comes with its risks. Gervinho has been talking about Arsenal for the past 2-3 seasons, let’s hope the only desire for him to move over here is his own. You know, a bit like the N’Zogbia rumours of the past 5 years.

The Mirror are reporting that Barcelona are preparing to offer us £7million rated Thiago Alcantra as part of a £50million offer for Cesc. Now this is a smart move for Barca. They’ve worked out Wenger’s weakness – young superstars – and they’re using Alcantra as leverage to prise Cesc from us. It’s all very Mossad. Or maybe it’s like the monkey dealer who used to replace Bubbles every 6 months for Michael Jackson (‘Here Mr Wenger, take Alcantra for he is more fresh faced the ungrateful one…’)? Either way, the story worries me but also shows how ruthless Barcelona are. If you’re not good enough to displace someone above you in the pecking order… we’ll sell you off now and buy you back in 4 years time once you’ve cut your teeth at the expense of Arsenal.

I think Wenger is fully aware that if he sells Cesc, we’re in a world of trouble. Replacing 20 goals and 20 assists isn’t a one player job. He’ll have to find 2 players to do that and bed them in inside 3 months. That’s a massive ask of anyone. Losing Cesc and Nasri would be a hammer blow to next years title bid and the morale of the fans. It can’t happen and it’s disastrous that it’s even on the cards…

Roy Hodgson has warned us of Peter Odemwingie because WBA are a well run club. I like his stand there. Being a well run club has always been the best way to warn the big boys off your players. If anything, being warned off Peter Odemwingie is like being warned one of those North London hot dog stands when you’re drunk. Initially you’re upset, but you know long-term, avoiding that hotdog was a good idea. Odemwingie is a good-looking poisonous hot dog, and thankfully, we’re not going to sample him because WBA are a fricking well run club.

Tasty Nigerian Hotdog...

Amen to financial prudence.

Amen to QPR as well. They’re interested in Emmanuel Eboue. That makes me happy. Really happy. Happier than I was when I found out my ex-girlfriend is dating an Egyptian waiter she calls Aladdin. Happier than I was when I took a wee next to Ray Parlour. Happier than I was at the Denilson/Nik B transfer request double combo. I was sooooooo happy to hear the Eboue rumour. So happy.

Let’s hope this rumour has more legs than Heather Mills or fictional film character Lieutenant Dan.

Right, that’s it. Have a wonderful day and remember tell the person sitting next to you at work you love them. Unless of course you’re sitting next to Eboue.

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Cesc gift information | Transfer targets update | Henri to stay on at Norwich?

June 5, 2011

Good morning sports fans, this will be short and sharp because I have a serious hangover to deal with this morning. Things aren’t looking pretty. Tesco’s Red Stripe offer has severely incapacitated my writing skills.

First up, the Cesc Fabregas parting gifts story started by our favourite chubby Russian are a bit of a stir. Our captain gave the players a set of headphones as an end of season gift. Why? Well, when you earn £120k a season, a few sets of headphones really isn’t busting the bank. It was a nice gesture and it certainly wasn’t a parting gift. I think Arshavin’s gripe came when he asked Cesc if he could eat them… ‘No Andre, they’re only for your ears…’

England played yesterday and what a thrilling encounter it turned out to be. We saw a horror show in defence from Johann Djourrou. He gave away a stonewall penalty when he crunched Jack Wilshere over in the penalty box and overall, he had a bit of a shocker. Not a good look for our best defender last year!

Theo Walcott caused a few problems out wide but he was hardly on fire. He’s really frustrating to watch when he’s in blind alley mode. Scott Parker made an appearance in midfield, I often forget how small he is. I like the cut of his jib though, it’s a shame that according to the NoTW, Wenger doesn’t and he’s refusing to snap him up. If Wenger doesn’t sign him, you’d have to say that it’s another example of his nonchalance towards building a squad that can compete.

For me, he’s the best player on the market in that position. You can’t get better than the player of the year for the type of money Wenger is looking to spend. Yet we never sign the obvious players. Alonso made sense when Flamini left, Shay Given has been obvious for years, Cahill’s price keeps rising and rising as we dither as does Hazard’s.

We dither in the transfer market these days and ultimately, that means we miss out on top talent. Another example of this is Ashley Young. I’ve been banging the drum for him for months. We’re currently playing a big lumbering Danish centre forward out wide. There’s nothing tactical about that move other than Wenger doesn’t have enough playing staff to cover the position. So when we get to the end of the season, and a player who bagged 17 assists (this year, he’s had 15 assists and 9 goals in a team that has been relegation fodder) in a season a couple of years ago is on the market for £12million, perhaps we should be looking at them? Young came on yesterday and changed the game with a superb half volleyed finish.

It’s shame, if he were a French African plying his trade in the Parisian  Sunday league 4th Division we’d have snapped him up 6 years ago.

The Cesc Fabregas rumours won’t stop. Papers need transfer stories to shift volume, when there’s not much going on, why not talk about every club in the world being interested in Cesc? That’s what the Daily Star went with this morning with nothing concrete to back it up. Scandalous rumour milling… Don’t listen to anyone who reckons they’ve heard from a good source he’s off, unless Barca come in with £50million, he’ll be with us next year.

I think what’s most upsetting about the gossip mill so far is that we haven’t been linked with any decent players… you know, even from a fantasy perspective. It’s like even the papers have given up on Wenger! I don’t have high hopes for this summer, I’d love to think Wenger has the guts to own up to his mistakes, but it doesn’t feel like he’s going that way. Realistically, if we needed 3 players when the window shut, we’re going to need 5 if Denilson and Bendtner leaves. Can we see that happening, or it going to be the same as usual… Wenger will match outwards with inwards and we’ll be left with a squad the same size again.

One player who’d like to come back is Henri Lansbury. He’s out at the Under 21 Championships and he’s raring to go. He’d like to break into the Arsenal first team this year. I’m pretty sure he said that last year. I’m not sure he’s going to do that, I’m not sure he was a regular for Norwich last season. If anything, I think it’d do him good to go back to Norwich for a year, he’s only 20 and for me, he’s nowhere near ready to cut it at Arsenal at the moment. The Under 21′s will be a good move for him, hopefully he gain some useful experience. A year in the Premiership would be even better, he can cut his mistakes with someone else and come into our first team ready. Which to be honest, sounds like a great idea!

See you in the comments…!

P.S. I read that Rooney has had a hair transplant, I wonder if he asked the guys if they could sort his face out while they were down there?

Badum tschhhh… what? Not funny? Oh…

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FOR SALE: DENILSON… enquire within! | Theoooooooooo!

June 4, 2011

My oh my Denilson, nothing smacks of desperation quite like telling the world twice in a week you’re looking to leave.

I imagine the problem is a little like this… Denilson told his agent he’d read Tribalfootball last year and he knew for a fact that Barcelona were interested in him. His agent was a little hot under the collar, he knew the only reason that story was there was because he’d been posting false rumours on Brazilian message boards in a vain attempt to land his client his 5th contract extension in 4 years. The summer came, his clients ego inflated by his agents handy work told Wenger where to stick his trophyless club with the solid knowledge he was moving onto better things.

A week goes by… Denilson’s mobile is quieter than the one that slipped up the back passage of one of our ex players.

So in today’s papers, Denilson reiterates himself using the following lines…

“My idea is to accept any offer from Spain, Italy or Germany from a club that is playing in the Champions League. I dream of maintaining a place in the Brazil national team.

“I don’t blame Arsene Wenger at all. I believe I’ve had my best season personally but want to win titles.”

Now for me, saying you’ll play for anyone with Champions League football is sheer desperation. I thought he wanted to play for a team who were going to win trophies? There aren’t many of those in Europe… so the net has widened. Fact is, any scout who has watched him play over the last 3 years will know he’s useless not just on the playing front, but attitude wise. Who in their right mind is going to snap him up? I don’t think maintaining a place in the Brazil squad is the correct turn of phrase either. How about just getting a call from the coach that isn’t an accident? Maintain suggests he’s been involved at all!

According to the Daily Star, we’re in for ‘top class’ striker, Jermaine ‘I can’t score for Spurs’ Defoe. The man who has a fetish for reality TV girls has had a shocking season and he’s looking for a new club. He’s a poacher, but for me, he’s a touch one-dimensional. I can’t imagine for a moment we’ll be buying anyone from Spurs this summer. If we were going after anyone, I’d hope it was Modric or RvDV.

The rumours really have been poor so far this summer!

Theo Walcott has been Champing up his season. He bagged himself 13 goals and 12 assists this year, which compared to where he was last year is very impressive. He’s looked good bombing down the middle, but he’s also look good bombing out wide. I really think he’s coming on well. All I’d like to see additionally is a bit more aggression in his play. Overall though, he’s been excellent.

Today he’ll be lining up against Switzerland in an epic Wembley battle for England. I’m sure the soccer is going to be remarkable and I for one cannot wait to be injected with 90 minutes of footballing master class.

Right, that’s your lot for another quiet day. Traditionally, June sees a massive slump in hits across the world wide Arsenal web. All the staff at TribalFootball staffers are on Holiday, so there’s not much going on transfer wise. Hopefully it’ll pick up soon!

See you in the comments!



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Arsenal win another trophy | Nigerian superstat on his way for small fee!

June 3, 2011

As you know, last season Le Grove partnered with website best friends, the Metro, for a Fantasy football league. They gave us an iPad for the winner of our league, that iPad will be despatched to the winner very shortly. I don’t have the results of the league today, but I promise to share those with you tomorrow!

Instead, what I have is the Metro Fantasy League team of the season. The statistics used to power the game have been sourced from Opta’s Live Feed and they make for interesting reading, because I’m not sure I’d have too many of those players in my team and I’m not sure the fans of too many of the players teams below would agree either!

For starters, as much as I like Joe Hart, I don’t think he’s been quite as amazing as he was the season before against Birmingham. Florent Malouda has played so well this year many Chelsea fans aren’t fussed whether he stays or goes this summer. Then we have our only entry, good old Samir ‘I won’t sign boss’ Nasri slipping in out wide. I know on the face of it, he deserves to be in there, but overall despite his best season ever, I still can’t help but feel a bit miffed at how anonymous he was in the second half of the season.

Tevez and Berbatov up top is hard to argue with, again though, Opta can’t take attitude into account. If the Bulgarian was so great this season, why are United offloading him over Michael Owen for £7.5million? Statistics can support, but they can’t ever define, you need your eyes for that!

One thing I’m definitely going to do is have a word with Opta… I can’t see Denilson or his amazing statistics in the mixer? Something must have gone awry in their system? Surely the God of short side ways crabbing should be at least a sub? It’s fricking travesty…

I did hear that Wenger has got hold of this infographic, the Daily mail report we’ve lodged a bid for Odemwingie off the back of Nik B shooting his mouth off about leaving us this summer. If we’re shipping out a the man with the best stats, we might as well bring in someone with even better ones,

Wenger knows…

Excuse the format fail, click to enlarge

Still, something that will warm the cockles of Arsene Wenger’s cold heart will be the fact that Arsenal won a trophy… yep, according to Opta statistics, our combined points total from all our players far out weighed our competitors. We romped home in the Opta League and for me… that’s up there with hitting the woodwork the most, the best away record and the ‘if we’d turned those loses into wins, things would have been different’ trophy.

Basically, we’ve had an amazing season and all you lot who speak a lot on the interweb are actually very ungrateful.

I do love reading Wenger comments like that. You know, the ‘well, we’ve consistently been in the Champions League for 15 years, the fans haven’t experienced anything else’ speech. Like no one remembers pre-Wenger, or all Arsenal fans look forward to the Champions League more than any other trophy. Speaking from a season ticket holders perspective, I have to say that the Champions League is a huge inconvenience. I appreciate we’re in it, but making your way from wherever you are in the country to sit in a freezing cold stadium to watch a boring game against at least two really poor teams really isn’t that exciting…

I much prefer our domestic schedule. The Champions League is prestigious, but I don’t see the £800k a win like Wenger and the board do. I’m not sure how others feel about it… that’s just me. I’m glad we’re in it, I just don’t punch the air in excitement about a home leg against Shaktar Donestsk.

Anyway, not much else in the news bar 368 stories about what we’re doing in America (bore me later Ivan) and that we’ve put a £54million price tag on Cesc Fabregas. How we came to that figure is a mystery but it sounds big… so let’s go with it!

I’m also pleased that Oxlade-Chamblerlain’s (My World of Warcraft name) dad has urged his son to join Arsenal. Another slow burner if you ask me, but what I like about his game is that he’s much more of a traditional wide man than Theo, and he is pretty direct as well. Though at 17, we have to accept that he won’t be ready for at least 4 years. Not that it matters… I’m sure he’ll have 160 games under his belt by then anyway, regardless of productivity.

Oxlade: Would certainly give our team an edge...

Right, that’s it. Time to resume the regular uttering of an Arsenal fans favourite phrase… ‘Have we signed anyone yet?’

No.

Happy Friday! Have a great day, let us know who’d be in your team of the year in the comments!




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Project Youth has backed Wenger into a ‘must buy’ corner

				June 1, 2011



				

					
‘For our fans the frustration was that we were so close to convincing everybody of how football can be great, but in the end not being able to deliver.


I would call it disappointed love. It was cruel and sometimes you get excessive responses to that. I share that and understand it.’


Disappointed love?


I’m trying hard to disagree, but I can’t really.


I love my club. I’m disappointed.


Disappointed love.


Sad thing is, Wenger only seems to have grasped that this year and I’m still not sure he fully understands the depth of the disappointment. Wenger spoke of the 5% we’re lacking, which guess is still better than the 2% he mentioned last year but still a total failure to acknowledge his team isn’t good enough by a long shot.


Wenger is like gambling addict who blows the family Christmas fund on a horse race, apologises, but secretly rues the bad luck and the what ifs. It’s those what ifs that keep the gambler coming back. The euphoria of finally winning out against the odds, earning the bragging rights and completing on the vision of a seven year obsession that has driven everyone away from him. That’s what will keep him walking the same down trodden Project Youth path.


Wenger’s sympathies are hollow… that’s disappointing, but blindingly obvious. He’s a gambling man who’s had the backing of the house for 6 seasons,that trust is running out fast and pretty soon the house is going to take that trust away along with the untarnished legacy.


That’s the most disappointing part about it all, he’s too arrogant to see it coming.


Apparently financial difficulties are causing the Nasri contract hold up. Like Geoff pointed out earlier in the season, if you’re foreign and you can pick up £40k a week extra elsewhere, why would you stay? Especially after half a good season under your belt! I’d love to know what the deadline is on this. Every week we wait is another week we’re closer to missing out on our targets. We could pruchase Ashely Young if Nasri went, 3 weeks time might be too late… He’ll be Fergie’s.


Guest Post: Project Youth…


Submitted By SurferX


Project Youth HQ


I’ve been thinking about the PL Squad Rules, and the impact of ‘Project Youth’ ageing.


As a refresher -


    

  • Clubs register a squad of up to 25 players, which must include at least eight ‘home-grown’ players, at the end of each transfer window.
    • 

  • Home-grown players do not have to be English; home-grown players are defined as those who “irrespective of nationality or age, have been affiliated to the FA or Welsh FA for a period of three seasons or 36 months prior to 21st birthday”
    • 

  • Clubs can supplement squad with unlimited number of players under the age of 21.
    • 



Last year, we only submitted a squad size of 20.  That was in part because of the large number of regular squad players that were under 21.  Next season, if we say that AW won’t let anyone leave (god forbid) – we simply wouldn’t be able to register any more players.  That’s because 5 players who could have played as under 21’s need to be registered from next season.


    

  • Carlos Vela,
    • 

  • Theo Walcott
    • 

  • Kieran Gibbs
    • 

  • Armand Traoré
    • 

  • Mark Randall
    • 



So the first thing to state, it’s a 1-in 1-out policy for next season.


Unlike previous seasons, if he wants to buy, he has to ship someone out.  He could do it on loan- but what’s the point?  The situation will only get worse over the next couple of years.


The following season, 6 players will be crossing the under 21 rule -


    

  • Gavin Hoyte,
    • 

  • Henri Lansbury
    • 

  • Jay Emmanuel-Thomas
    • 

  • Aaron Ramsey
    • 

  • Wojciech Szczesny
    • 

  • Craig Eastmond
    • 



So of course, none of those have to be registered for the coming season; but they will the season after.


Which means, over the next two seasons we will see a minimum of 6 players leaving the club, plus a number equal to the amount of players he buys.


So, for example, if he brings in 3 new faces each season we’ll see 12 players leaving the club from those listed above or those already registered in last seasons squad.  This is huge, we haven’t seen a shake up of the Arsenal Squad on this scale for a long time.  So when AW says he will be active in the market, it could be that he’s finally had it with a few of them.  More importantly, he has to have a shake up regardless. I think this is playing a crucial factor in his thinking.


The good thing about Project Youth (whether you like it or not) is that we should comfortably always meet the 8 player home grown rule.  This is something that some other PL league clubs will start to have trouble with (and the reason why you started seeing the likes of Chelsea also trying to buy up the best talent before they hit 18).  Unfortunately, if we take the people from the current registrations that look most likely could leave (Clichy, Bendtner, Denilson) they are all home-grown.  Which would only leave 3.  Obviously the 5 coming through are all home-grown too; but I wouldn’t expect Traore and Randall (gone) to be playing a big part (or probably Vela).


So, assuming that those 6 above leave this close season, it means (getting back to our 1-in, 1-out) at least 2 of the new arrivals would need to be home grown (effectively you would be then at 13+4=17 non-homegrown players which is the maximum).


So the second point is, whilst project youth has been a success (from the viewpoint of ensuring a supply of players that can make up the 8) it looks like he’ll still need to supplement it by buying a couple of homegrowns in.  That makes Cahill more likely than Sakho I’d guess!  Again, first time I can remember him doing this for a long time.  If he decides that Mannone is surplus, plus Cesc leaves, the number he needs gets worse.


So, Project Youth & the 25 man squad rules is somewhat of a ticking bomb for AW.  On the one hand, it will provide him with a stream of youth players to supplement the main squad.  On the other, these players eventually need to be registered.  So, for the first time in memory, AW is going to have to be a little more proactive at clearing them out if they’ve not made it.  If he doesn’t, he simply cannot register any more players.


If you’d like to view the spreadsheet, which I’m sure you all do, you can access it here.


Many thanks to Surfer for his excellent contribution.



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