In a week when the rats have looked for way off the ship, well one of them anyway, the one that looks like a rodent, Ade came out and said this.
‘I’ve assured the gaffer Arsene Wenger I’ll stay because I believe in the team and I want to assure the fans my concentration is here.
I have no reason to leave so I’ll stay to ensure that together we’ll win silverware. Mathieu’s a good player but his departure doesn’t mean Arsenal is about to collapse. Our team is a deep well of talent.
I am confident we are capable of winning titles and we will return for next season hungrier to be successful.’
The Sun.
At last a player reassuring the fans, well done Ade!
Well sorry Ethan, but I know that even you are beginning to warm to him, if he can learn the offside rule and become more of a team player, I think he can become a legend, too many teams want him for him not to have something, time will tell, but I have a feeling, with Bendtner a year older, Theo becoming what we bought , Robin and Eduardo fit and Ade banging them in, we could have the best front line in football next term.
Onto the centre back situation, 19 year old Gavin Hoyte is saying that Nordtveit could be the answer to our woes next season, I would prefer to fill the void with a home grown, but only if he’s good enough, what do you all think? Gavin himself is highly rated and now he’s 19, he could be an answer at centre back, just as cover though because I think he’s a left back.
Nasri is becoming a boring story, I mean how long does it take to sign someone? Is he for sale? Yes, does he want to join us? Yes, has he passed his medical? Yes. Pretty simple really, don’t you think?
We need to sign Barry and quick, his value will soar after the Tobago game, so a quick swap with Justin and we’ll have our Flamini replacement, sign up Velosa as well and we have the centre back and Gilberto role covered, get this keeper from Wolves in and we’re done, Benzema and Villa won’t happen so I would think that’s it.
You know even if we sign the above and we sell Hleb, we still won’t have spent the £25 mil were were told that we had.
I don’t want Makoun, especially if Song kept him out of the ACN, and I really don’t want anybody I’ve never heard of and after last night I’m not convinced that Richard Dunne is the answer (especially that the Spuds are now after him) not saying no, just saying maybe we should look at our own or push the boat out and sign Mexes, don’t forget, the clubs we love to feed can’t buy everyone.
I’d also get in there and pay Cardiff what they want for Ramsey, we didn’t hesitate with Theo and this kid looks to have it all already, finally I just heard that West Ham have put Ferdinand up for sale at £5 mil, anyone?
Let’s hope today is good news day today Grovers.
It’s joke time fellas………….
I received a phone call from a gorgeous ex-girlfriend who This morning called ‘out-of-the-blue’ to see if I was still around.
We lost track of time, chatting about the wild, romantic times we used to enjoy together.
I couldn’t believe it when she asked if I’d be interested in meeting up and rekindling a little of that ‘old magic’.
‘Wow!’ I was flabbergasted.
‘I don’t know if I could keep pace with you now’, I said, ‘I’m a bit older and a bit grayer and balder than when you last saw me. Plus I don’t really have the energy I used to have.’
She just giggled and said she was sure I would ‘rise to the challenge’.
‘Yeah.’ I said. ‘Just so long as you don’t mind a waistline that’s a few inches wider these days! Not to mention my total lack of muscle tone…everything is sagging, my teeth are a bit yellowed and I am developing jowls like a Great Dane!’
She laughed and told me to stop being so silly.
She teased me saying that tubby, grey haired, older men were cute, and she was sure I would still be a great lover.
anyway, she giggled and said, ‘I’ve put on a few pounds myself!’
So I hung up.
Fuck me, has anyone seen Arsenal.com, its so fucking exciting – I just pissed myself with such immense excitement (again!!!!), with the current headline of “Getting to know…. Wojciech Szczesny” I think the arsenal.commers have the right idea…… who needs blog sites with Earth Shattering stuff like that to fill your day ?!!!!!!
lmao!!! Good one Dennis!!!
LOL PMSLl!!!
Thanks Bud, I’m off to Arsenal.com right now.
I might also ask why we haven’t signed Dos Santos while I’m there and why a shit side like spurs have always signed more players than we have.
CMON ADE U FUCKING LEGEND!!
I’d love to see Barry replace Flamini but I can’t see it, how much would he cost?
we got to get someone i can’t see song/ denilson/ diaby or gilberto being upto it
I always enjoy reading your site but don’t I agree with what you say about not wanting anyone you’ve never heard of – another Wenger special along the lines of Sagna or Eduardo will do nicely – does that make me an AKB?
manure,liverpoo,chavs,spuds have all signed players for next season!!!
I have no reason to leave so I’ll stay to ensure that together we’ll win silverware.
i had to think about that statement for a while ..
so ade’s saying he will be the reason we will win silverware
next season ?
CHOKE !
Did you here about the cross-eyed teacher?
She couldn’t keep control of her pupils.
jay…your fired!
so I’ll stay to ensure that together we’ll win silverware.
SO does that mean he WAS going to leave ?
BUT HE’LL STAY !!!
fuck dont do us any favors
id rather see 25 million LARGE !
wenger could buy 2 SKILLED players for that price
There’s still hope Odub… Wenger said he would have 2-3 players finalised by today.
What do you call a female sex change?
An addadictomy!
you know keeping ade might actually be the time when the arsenal curse bites back !
could-nordtveit-be-the-special-one?????????
NO , i dont think ive ever seen a player at 19 look the finished article
we are doomed ….
Cassano will be crowned kings of Europe
Ethan’s one man crusade continues!!lol Although I must add I’m not an Ade fan either.
Goonerjay don’t hold your breath buddy!!
Hung Chow calls into work and says, ‘ Hey, I no come to work today, I really sick. I got headache, stomach ache and legs hurt. I no come work.’ The boss says, ‘ I really need you today. When I feel like this, I go to my wife and tell her to give me sex. That makes everything better and I go to work. You try that.’
Two hours later Hung Chow calls again. ‘I do what you say and I feel
great. I be at work soon………………….. You got nice house.
Phew – has the blatter debate finished, who brought this stupid subject up…!!!!?
I would like to commend Ade, not only for him stating his desire to stay, but his comments about the meeeelan money grabber….
Famini is a good player, but just because he has left, Arsenal will not fall apart, next season we will be more determined to win silverware’
Take a bow Ade
YES Odub
its like a really lame TV show
Heres a quiz question for everyone …
Position CENTRAL DEFENDER !
What is the youngest age youve ever seen a central defender Become a finished article and WHO !
Sorry guys… i’ll start posting proper jokes again.
A little girl and her mother were out and about.
Out of the blue, the girl asked her mother, “Mommy, How old are you?”
The mother responded, “Honey, women don’t talk about their age. You’ll learn this as you get older.”
The girl then asked, “Mommy, how much do you weigh?”
Her mother responded again, “That’s another thing women don’t talk about. You’ll learn this, too, as you grow up.”
The girl, still wanting to know about her mother, then fired off another question, “Mommy, why did you and Daddy get a divorce?”
The mother, a little annoyed by the questions, responded, “Honey, that is a subject that hurts me very much, and I don’t want to talk about it now.”
The little girl, frustrated, sulked until she was dropped off at a friend’s house to play. She consulted with her girlfriend about her and her mother’s conversation.
The girlfriend said, “All you have to do is sneak a look at your mother’s driver’s license. It’s just a like a report card from school. It tells you everything.”
Later, the little girl and her mother were out and about again.
The little girl started off with, “Mommy, Mommy, I know how old you are. I know how old you are. You’re 32 years old.”
The mother was very shocked. She asked, “Sweetheart, how do you know that?”
The little girl shrugged and said, “I just know. And I know how much you weigh. You weigh 130 pounds.”
“Where did you learn that?”
The little girl said, “I just know. And I know why you and Daddy got a divorce. You got an ‘F’ in sex.”
how many times do you guys think nasri’s name has been mentioned in the last week?
Well, itIS friday and as it has become tradition to keep the mood happy despite the hleb/nasri/flamingo fiasco, heres one to raise a
…..
Three couples, an elderly couple, a middle-aged couple and a young newly-wed couple wanted to join a church. The priest said, “We have special requirements for new parishioners. You must abstain from having sex for two weeks.”
The couples agreed and came back at the end of two weeks.
The pastor went to the elderly couple and asked, “Were you able to abstain from sex for the two weeks?”
The old man replied, “No problem at all, Priest.”
“Congratulations! Welcome to the church!” said the priest.
The priest went to the middle-aged couple and asked, “Well, were you able to abstain from sex for the two weeks?” The middle-aged man replied, “The first week was not too bad.
The second week I had to sleep on the couch for a couple of nights but, yep we made it.”
“Congratulations! Welcome to the church,” said the priest.
The priest then went to the newly-wed couple and asked, “Well, were you able to abstain from sex for two weeks?” “No Pastor, we were not able to go without sex for the two weeks,” the young man replied sadly.
“What happened?” inquired the priest.
“My wife was reaching for a can of corn on the top shelf and dropped it” said the young man.
“When she bent over to pick it up, I was overcome with lust and took advantage of her right there.”
“You understand, of course, this means you will not be welcome in our church” stated the priest.
“We know,” said the young man. “We’re not welcome at the Supermarket anymore either…”
If the clubs really thught this Blatter rule was coming in they would be offering there English players lucrative long term contracts to stay.
The lawyers of the football clubs are just as powerful as fifa’s.
And if they didn’t agree they woul fuck off uefa and restart the g14 thing again.
scummy spurs have signed John Bostock……..
The Tomato Garden
An old man lived by himself in the country. He wanted to dig his tomato
garden, but it was very hard
work as the ground was hard. His only son, Vincent, who used to help him,
was in prison The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his
predicament.
Dear Vincent,
I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won’t be able to plant my
tomato garden this year. I’m just getting to old to be digging up the
garden. If you were here my troubles would be over. I know you would dig
the plot for me.
Love Dad
A few days later he received a letter from his son.
Dear Dad,
Don’t dig up the garden. That’s where I buried the BODIES!
Love Vinnie
At 4 am the next morning FBI agents and the local Police arrived and dug up
the entire area without finding any bodies. They apoligized to the old man
and left.
That same day the old man received another letter from his son.
Dear Dad
Go ahead and plant your tomatoes now. That’s the best I could do under the
circumstances.
Love Vinnie
like it double O
Haha…that was quality t-buzz
Girl: “Forgive me father for I have sinned.”
Priest: “What have you done my child?”
Girl: “I called a man a son of a bitch.”
Priest: “Why did you call him a son of a bitch?”
Girl: “Because he touched my hand.”
Priest: “Like this?” (as he touches her hand)
Girl: “Yes father.”
Priest: “That’s no reason to call a man a son of a bitch.”
Girl: “Then he touched my breast.”
Priest: “Like this?” (as he touched her breast)
Girl: “Yes father.”
Priest: “That’s no reason to call him a son of a bitch.”
Girl: “Then he took off my clothes, father.”
Priest: “Like this?” (as he takes off her clothes)
Girl: “Yes father.”
Priest: “That’s no reason to call him a son of a bitch.”
Girl: “Then he stuck his you know what into my you know where.”
Priest: “Like this?” (as he stuck his you know what into her you know where)
Girl: “YES FATHER, YES FATHER, YES FATHER!!!”
Priest: (after a few minutes): “That’s no reason to call him a son of a bitch.”
Girl: “But father he had AIDS!”
Priest: “THAT SON OF A BITCH!!!”
Odub – I just love that last one, that has brightened up a dull Friday for me
bloody hell jay thats harsh,
Underwear is important!
Always wear clean underwear in public, especially when working under your vehicle.
From the Northwest Florida Daily News comes this story of a Crestview couple who drove their car to Wal-Mart, only to have their car break down in the parking lot. The man told his wife to carry on with the shopping while he fixed the car in the lot.
The wife returned later to see a small group of people near the car.
On closer inspection, she saw a pair of male legs protruding from under the chassis. Although the man was in shorts, his lack of underwear turned private parts into glaringly public ones. Unable to stand the embarrassment, she dutifully stepped forward, quickly put her hand up his shorts, and tucked everything back out of site.
On regaining her feet, she looked across the hood and found herself staring at her husband who was standing idly by.
The mechanic, however, had to have three stitches in his forehead.
Mark you were in moderation, an AKB is described in the toolbar, agreeing with Arsene doesn’t make you one, agreeing with him doing no wrong and no one else can have an opinion does.
If you can live with that climb aboard, if you can’t this is not the site for you.
Cracking jokes Grovers!
Very good Odub
A young teenaged girl was a prostitute and, for obvious reasons, kept it a secret from her grandma. One day, the police raided a brothel and arrested a group of prostitutes, including the young girl. The prostitutes were instructed to line up in a straight line on the sidewalk. Well, who should be walking in the neighborhood, but little old Grandma. The young girl was frantic.
Sure enough, Grandma noticed her young granddaughter and asked curiously, “What are you lining up for, dear?” Not willing to let grandma in on her little secret, the young girl told her that some people were passing out free oranges and that she was lining up for some.
“Mmm, sounds lovely,” said Grandma. “I think I’ll have some myself,” she continued as she made her way to the back of the line. A police officer made his way down the line, questioning all of the prostitutes. When he got to Grandma, at the end of the line, he was bewildered. “But you’re so old… how do you do it?”
Grandma replied, “Oh, it’s quite easy, sonny… I just remove my dentures and suck ‘em dry!”
A quick way to bulk Nordtveit up. 2 serves of my butter chicken. Wow! How many calories are there in 600ml of cream.
sorry to spoil your fun, but the 6+5 rule does directly contravene EU law, go and have a look at the law itself, there is absolutely no way around it.
while uefa’s homegrown rule is no threat to arsenal at all, as players we sign between 15-21 years of age and then play for us count as homegrown.
loving the jokes
Geoff, Mark or Mark C??
Not too sure I am a AKB
George
we want him more skilled
not to look like lampard !
An Illinois man left the snowballed streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida. His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day. When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick e-mail.
Unable to find the scrap of paper on which he had written her e-mail address, he did his best to type it in from memory. Unfortunately, he missed one letter, and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher’s wife whose husband had passed away only the day before. When the grieving widow checked her e-mail, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream, and fell to the floor dead.
At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen:
Dearest Wife,
Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow.
Your Loving Husband.
P.S. Sure is hot down here
lol!! Great jokes all round folks, even ethan’s one liner re lumpard!!
SO WHERES THE FUCKING SIGNINGS???
lunch time in the UK and arsene is SILENT!
hasnt it been 3 weeks ???????????????
Gee-so many discusions and topics I have what to say …and so much work to be done:(((
Keep it up guys-Im reading allmost everything ,but hardly have time to write.Maybe one day when Im my own boss and have people to do my job…
There was a little boy whose mother was about to have a baby. One day, the little boy walked in and saw his mother naked. He asked his mother what the hair between her legs was.
She responded, “It’s my wash cloth.”
Weeks later, after the mother had her baby, the young boy walked in on his mother again. While she was in the hospital, the doctor had shaved her pubic hair.
The boy asked, “What happened to your wash cloth?”
The mother responded, “I lost it.”
The little boy, trying to be helpful, set out to find his mother’s washcloth.
A few days later, he ran to his mother yelling and screaming, “I found your washcloth.”
The mother, thinking that the child was just playing, went along with the boy and asked, “Where did you find it?”
The boy answered, “The maid has it! She is washing daddy’s face with it.”
Regarding transfers its the same every year, they are waiting for all of us to pay out for the season tickets and once the deadline has passed they will announce the sale of certain players, in their place a few 17/18 year olds from either Africa or Eastern Europe with a tag like the new Zidane, Henry or Ronaldo. Perhaps this year they will buy a big name like Hagichristopapadopoulos(can’t get much bigger) a 21 year old reserve team player from AEK Athens who has made 2 appearances in 3 years as a professional.
Quick Joke from me:
Question: What is a mermaid? A woman or a fish?
Answer: Depends whether you are hungry or you want to fuck……
An Australian sheep shearer was looking for his missing Kiwi friend when he spotted him behind a bush with a sheep ! . The Australian said , Are you shearing ? , His Kiwi mate replied No ! git your own .
papadopoulos??
its that a creature from sesame street ?
Not you mate, he posted at 11.21 go have a look!
ethangunner:
If he’s cheap enough doesn’t matter where he come from. Arsene doesn’t look at passports!
he doesnt sound like he is AKB .. but he likes ade
so blow him up !
Ethan Mr Snufflapagos was from sesame street…
I cant believe I know that!!!
I didnt see if you mentioned it but surprize surpsize Fergie and Queroz yeasterday werent charged from FA for the portsmouth game antics….. If it was AW there would be charge,wouldnt it
pablo
doesn’t he need a work permit coming from Greece ?
even if he is a muppet ?!
Mr. Johnson got himself a new secretary. She was young, sweet, and very polite.
One day while taking dictation, she noticed his fly was open. When leaving the room, she said, “Mr. Johnson, your barracks door is open.”
He did not understand her remark, but later on he happened to look down and saw that his zipper was open. He decided to have some fun with his secretary. Calling her in, he asked, “By the way Miss Jones, when you saw my barracks door was open this morning, did you also notice a soldier standing at attention?”
The secretary, who was quite witty replied, “Why no sir, all I saw was a little disabled veteran sitting on two duffel bags.”
A large woman, wearing a sleeveless sun dress, walked into a bar in Dublin .
She raised her right arm, revealing a huge, hairy armpit as she pointed to all the people sitting at the bar and asked, “What man here will buy a lady a drink?”
The bar went silent as the patrons tried to ignore her, but down at the end of the bar, an owl-eyed drunk slammed his hand down on the counter and bellowed “Give the ballerina a drink!”
The bartender poured the drink and the woman chugged it down.
She turned to the patrons and again pointed around at all of them, revealing the same hairy armpit, and asked “What man here will buy a lady a drink?”
Once again, the same little drunk slapped his money down on the bar and said, “Give the ballerina another drink!”
The bartender approached the little drunk and said “Tell me, Murphy, it’s your business if you want to buy the lady a drink, but why do you keep calling her a ballerina?
The drunk replied, “Any woman who can lift her leg that high has got to be a ballerina!”
Best Joke in Ireland 2007:
John O’Reilly hoisted his beer and said, “Here’s to spending the rest of
me life, between the legs of me wife!”
That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night!
He went home and told his wife, Mary, “I won the prize for the Best toast of the night”
She said, “Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?”
John said, “Here’s to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife.”
“Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!” Mary said.
The next day, Mary ran into one of John’s drinking buddies on the street corner.
The man chuckled leeringly and said, “John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary.”
She said, “Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You know, he’s only been
there twice in the last four years. Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come
odub
was he greek too ?
the lack of news is disappointing . wenger promised signings within 3 weeks!
yesterdays blog i was talking about class signings …
today hearing everyone love ade ! its even more depressing, i mean how more skill less do you need to be before people start hating you ?
I MEAN REALLY !
FUCK !
like i said yesterday i want our striker to have the finesse of james bond
ades more like frank Spencer !
Another set of great jokes!! Ethan think he was an elephant or rhino or something!!
Right off to the pub, this lack of news is too depressing! Hopefully I come back and it’s all change… Doubt it!
at least frank spencer makes sense when he speaks
ethangunner:
He initially asked for 55 large a week but Arsenal offered him only 50, he couldn’t believe that Arsenal would be so stingy and almost choked on his souvlaki while riding his uncles favourite donkey. He added that felt insulted and demanded the club should improve their derisory offer or he would remain where he is. A spokesman for the player last night confirmed that he is 99% sure that it was a donkey and not a mule.
Hah!! Good one Goonerman!!
Enjoy Odub, stagger back soon.lol
Arsene must enjoy torturing the fans with transfers. Why would he set this 2-3 weeks deadline and get us all excited!
hmmmm
gotta say these jokes are ok …
but if you must get me started
———————————————————————
one day a hippy gets on a bus full of nuns. he looks around and see’s
one that is looking particularily good. after he popped a stiffy he went up
to the nun and said I want to fuck you.
No replied the nun I am a woman of the lord i will never sleep with you
The hippy was really depressed, but on his way off the bus the bus
driver told him that the nun goes to the church to pray everynight at
midnight. all he had to do was get a god mask and tell her to screw him.
at exactly midnight the hippy spotted the nun go into the church, he
put on his mask and said I am god fuck me!!!!!!!.
the nun then replied only in the ass though. the hippy agreed and they
got it on for hours.
when they were done the hippy took off his mask and shouted “ha, ha”
I’m the hippy
the nun then took off her mask and said “ha ha” I’m the bus driver!!!.
There’s two farmers on a farm, and they just got a new animal. One farmers
outside, and one is inside. The one outside comes in with a big cup of white
liquid. He takes a big drink of it and excitedly says, I just milked the
new cow. Then other farmer, with a troubled look on his face says, we didn’t
get a new cow, we got a new bull!
A couple of women were playing golf one sunny Saturday morning. The first of the twosome teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole.
The ball hit one of the men, and he immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in evident agony.
The woman rushed down to the man and immediately began to apologize. “Please allow me to help. I’m a physical therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you’d allow me,” she told him earnestly.
“Ummph, oooh, nnooo, I’ll be alright. I’ll be fine in a few minutes,” he replied breathlessly as he remained in the fetal position still clasping his hands together in his groin.
But she persisted, and he finally allowed her to help him. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, she loosened his pants, and she put her hands inside. She began to massage him. She then asked him “How does that feel?”
He replied “It feels great, but my thumb still hurts like hell.”
A man and his wife decide to play golf but neither is very good so they sign up for lessons.
The man goes to his lesson first. The instructor says, “Show me your swing so I can evaluate you.” The man swings and the instructor says, “That was good but you’re holding the club too tight. Try holding it gently like you would hold your wife’s breasts.” The man does so and he hits the ball 250 yards!
Later, the wife goes for her lesson. Again the instructor tells her to show him her swing so that he can evaluate her. She does and he says, “You’re also holding the club too tight. Hold like you would hold your husband’s dick.” She does so and takes her swing. Then the golf instructor says, “Try it again but this time take the club out of your mouth.”
I really don’t think Nordtveit is the answer, its too much on his shoulders at such a young age, I mean hes hardly even played in the carling cup.
Yer the Nasri situation is getting stupid now – arrggh but I guess we gotta stretch our patience further. At this rate we are gona sign a centre back first……
Cant see us signing Barry…..come sign Nasri!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
great jokes…
what a way to start the day!!!
2 Prostitutes get talking out on the job one night and the 1st one turns to the other and says “have you ever been picked up by the fuzz?”
The 2nd replies “no but i’ve been swung round by my nipples!”
Ade staying can only be a good thing. Yes, he burnt out towards the end of last season and missed a hatful, but he’s 24, still managed 30 goals and he scored one the best goals of last season, against the spuds. He just needs a descent strike partner who isn’t always injured and moaning how underpaid he is for being injured. The Cheek!
Nasri, agreed, has been drawn out far too long, just sign the bastard! And get rid Hleb, he’s got a lot of value and one of the big teams in Europe will easily spunk their euors on him to show the rest of the world how much they mean business, like they do every year, and usually fail (see Henry, Beckham etc.) Wenger should go against the mould, just for once, and get nasri, yaya, villa, hennessey, ramsey, barry an anyone worth linking to our fine club. May be not those exact players but we need strength in those positions, plus a centre back and jobs a good’un.
I’m all for promoting the talenst of our youth and its great djourou and diaby want to take on the Flamoney role, but they’ll need cover or they should be cover for the actual replacement.
Also, i hear Fab is looking to sign another extension to his ontract. here’s hoping.
And another thing, its been mentioned earlier, and yes, its a scouse blog but go and have a read. Its shocking and hilarious, bound to cause a stir.
http://www.liverpoolway.co.uk/blog/?p=164#more-164
That was a great post…
Captain Marvel who would play if he lost both his legs… what a cunt.
There was a boy standing on a corner selling fish.
He was saying, “Dam fish for sale, dam fish for sale.”
A preacher walked up and asked why he was calling them dam fish.
The kid said, “I caught them at the dam, so they’re dam fish.”
The preacher bought some, took them home and asked his wife to cook the dam fish.
His wife looked at him in bewilderment and said, “Preachers aren’t supposed to talk like that.”
The preacher explained why they were dam fish, and she agreed to cook them. When dinner was ready and everyone was sitting down, the preacher asked his son to pass him the dam fish.
His son replied, “That’s the spirit dad. Pass the fucking potatoes!”
I was walking in a cemetery this morning and seen a bloke hiding behind a gravestone. I said “morning.”
He replied, “No, just having a shit.”
Yeah I did post it earlier, but dont think many read it!!
Best part of the article…
”Yes, ‘Big brave JT, no-nonsense tough English centre half and captain fantastic’, once again cried his eyes out in front of millions of people. That’s at least four occasions I’ve seen him doing that now. ‘Man up’ you big fucking tart!
Frank Lampard called him ‘a mans man’ after the game. Behave yourself Frank, he’s a fanny. Real men don’t cry in public”
Love it!!
absolutely genius writing. even though its scouse, i do admire the mans wit. all of it alarmingly ture but most of all, hilarious. 130k a week. sickening!
just a general annoyance i’m sure we all share…..why/how the fuck do the spuds always buy more players than us and where does all this money come from?! and dos santos? if rumours are to be believed then he’s pulling on the white jersey. idiot.
but, nevertheless, trust in the weng. as always, i’m sure he has it all sorted but he doesn’t half like leaving us to get incredibly agitated while the rest of the prem splash the cash. i’m sure all will be revealed and we will all once again worship at the genius of wenger’s talent spotting. either that or he’s gonna blow it all on david villa.
can but hope.
A new priest at his first mass was so nervous that he could hardly speak. After mass, he asked the Monsignor how he had done.
The Monsignor replied, “When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip.”
The next Sunday, he took the Monsignor’s advice. At the beginning of the sermon when he got nervous, he took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon his return to his office after mass, he found the following note on the door:
Sip the vodka; don’t gulp.
There are 10 commandments, not 12.
There are 12 disciples, not 10.
Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
Jacob wagered his donkey; he did not “bet his ass.”
We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as daddy, junior, and the spook.
David slew Goliath; he did not kick the shit outta him.
When David was hit by a stone and knocked off his donkey, don’t say he was stoned off his ass.
We don’t refer to the cross as the “Big T.”
When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper, he said, “Take this and eat it for it is my body.” He did not say “Eat me.”
The Virgin Mary is not called “Mary with the cherry.”
The recommended grace before a meal is not “Rub-a-dub-dub, thanks for the grub, yeah God.”
There will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter’s, not a Peter pulling contest at St. Taffy’s.
Young David came home from school one day and found his pet chicken laying on the ground with his legs pointing straight up into the sky. When his father got home, he explained that the chicken has died and his legs were pointed up to Jesus in heaven.
They buried the chicken and that was that. Two weeks later his dad came home from work and David ran up to him yelling, “Daddy, Daddy, we nearly lost Mommy today.”
“What?” his father replied.
“When I got home from school, Mommy was laying on the bed with her legs pointing up in the air yelling, ‘Jesus, I’m coming, Jesus I’m coming.’ If it wasn’t for Uncle Terry holding her down we would have lost her for sure!”
Finest and Bud,
Back to the Blatter thing for a minute, doesn’t the South African cricket team have a rule that there needs to be 2 or 3 non-white players in their starting 11 ?
!!!!LMFAO!!!!
Just read some Dail Mail (Mancscum are great ) news poll regarding English players team by team. They say we only have Hoyte and Theo but include Chris fucking Eagles in the Manc section. Bring it on FIFA and see if your stupid rule drops the mighty Arsenal. What about the likes of Hoyte 2, Randall, Gibbs, Simpson, Wilshire, ect ect. I hate the Mail more than any other paper because it has that fat Manc loving pie eating cunt Steve Curry writing for it and I hate Sky for the same reason. Bring it on FA fucking do it and see where it gets you. Pricks. Arsenal are looking to appoint some Administrator from the FA to take Edelmans place, this could be our best signing of the summer to get back some of the cheating FA cunts who will be his mates.
John Terry goes to the doctors and says “Doctor, Doctor… every time i look in the mirror i get arroused!”
The Doctor replies “I’m not surprised… you’re a cunt!”
16 REASONS WHY ALCOHOL SHOULD BE SERVED AT WORK.
1. It’s an incentive to show up.
2. It leads to more honest communications.
3. It reduces complaints about low pay.
4. Employees tell management what they think, not what they want to hear.
5. It encourages car pooling.
6. Increase job satisfaction because if you have a bad job, you don’t care.
7. It eliminates vacations because people would rather come to work.
8. It makes fellow employees look better.
9. It makes the cafeteria food taste better.
10. Bosses are more likely to hand out raises when they are wasted.
11. Salary negotiations are a lot more profitable.
12. Employees work later since there’s no longer a need to relax at the bar.
13. It makes everyone more open with their ideas
14. Eliminates the need for employees to get drunk on their lunch break.
15. Employees no longer need coffee to sober up.
16. Sitting “Bare ass” on the copy machine will no longer be seen as gross.
Some Internet sports news sites do make me laugh.
With Ade coming out and commiting this morning with personal quotes of his allegience to the cause,
Now we have eatsleepsport and clubcall sports stating we will lose him unless we pay him 80k. are they just thick, what is the point in rehashing drivle from 3 weeks ago. must be a slow news day
And given that our squad is built on youth, how on earth is our wage bill only 3m behind Man Ure!!!!!
Guys – Get over to Arsenal.com NOW…….. BREAKING HEADLINE………
“Reserves Week: Bould – Kids have exceeded expectations”
By jove those arsenal.commers are spoilt fuckers !!!!!!
Why did everyone scream so loud at a Beatle concert?
The shock of seeing 4 scousers working
goonerjay you’re killing me here fella!!! lol
Daddy Daddy we almost losy Mommy today!! Quality!
A doctor had the reputation of helping couples increase the joy in their sex life, but always promised not to take a case if he felt he could not help them. The Browns came to see the doctor, and he gave them thorough physical exams, psychological exams, and various tests and then concluded, “Yes, I am happy to say that I believe I can help you.”
“On your way home from my office stop at the grocery store and buy some grapes and some doughnuts. Go home, take off your clothes, and you, sir, roll the grapes across the floor until you make a bulls eye in your wife’s love canal. Then on hands and knees you must crawl to her like a leopard and retrieve the grape using only your tongue.
“Then next, ma’am, you must take the doughnuts and from across the room, toss them at your husband until you make a ringer around his love pole. Then like a lioness, you must crawl to him and consume the doughnut.” The couple went home and their sex life became more and more wonderful.
They told their friends, Mr. & Mrs. Green that they should see the good doctor. The doctor greeted the Greens and said he would not take the case unless he felt that he could help them; so he conducted the physical exams and the same battery of tests.
Then he told the Greens the bad news. “I cannot help you, so I will not take your money. I believe your sex life is as good as it will ever be, I cannot help.”
The Greens pleaded with him, and said, “You helped our friends the Browns, now please, please, help us.”
“Well, all right”, the doctor said. “On your way home from the office, stop at the grocery store and buy some apples and a box of cheerios… “
little scouse child turns to its mummy and says ‘mummy, why are your hands so soft?’,
to which mummy replies ‘cos im 14′
whats sad about 4 chavs driving off the top of a cliff in a nova?
you can fit 5 in a nova
RvP’s comments from two days ago seem even more preposterous when contrasted with Ade’s words of commitment. Robin is a talent footballer when he’s healthy. My rough calculations tell me that he owes the Arsenal and it supporters almost two years of play on the money he’s already received. Robin’s veiled threats regarding salary are a fucking insult. He should concentrate on coming back from Euro without the aid of crutches or a bloody stretcher.
Vaardo… a lot of people are reading too much into what RVP said… he never once said in that interview that he wanted more money.
He said that Arsenal need to re-evaluate the wage structure before the team falls apart because it is understandable that a 27-28 year old would leave for 3-4 times the money… he’s not wrong… far from it.
If you believe everything you read then Ade isn’t so great because this afternoons news is all about Ade wanting an extra £80k a week… now with his 1st touch and finishing ability that would be a piss take
that ade news is just a re- hash of 3 weeks ago .. like i said earlier today in the last post !
when he calls arsene a GAFFER ! . maybe ive been out of the uk too long but i wouldnt call that a flattering statement ! arsene = gaffer !
but pats and i are right !
its just OLD re- hashed news !
i would pay more relevance to the fact that arsene is looking for a striker
in the vain of santa cruz .. A possible replacement for ade !!!
cross fingers
RvP has a point yes, and the club need to address it if we are to continue with our current crop of players for the future, but surely, as a model professional, you don’t just tell the press about your uncertanties with own club?
surely instead you address it with wenger/board and voice your concerns internally, rather than create a fuss amongst fans and the press at a crucial time? how’s that gonna look to any potential new signings when one of our strikers, from his hospital bed via Euro 2008, comes out saying we don’t pay enough?!
the boy has lacked a bit of tact on this one.
still, if he’s fit all next season and bangs in 30 goals then i’m sure he’ll be after a pay rise, or be a barcelona target.
Bud is completely correct, splatter has less than zero chance of implementing this “rule”.
As far as “employing” players but restricting how many get to play, that would be the same as a company only allowing a certain number of women to attain management positions, i.e. it’s also illegal.
The EU itself has already, to quote them directly, given septic bladder’s “idea” “the red card”, i.e they;’ve categorically stated that it’s against the law and will not be entertained under any circumstances.
For the clubs to have a “gentleman’s agreement” on it, they would all have to implement it and pretend that they weren’t.
Can anyone honestly imagine the clubs pissing on their own shoes in this manner? Sorry, not even close!
I thought I saw a comment somewhere claiming splatter was an intelligent man. Words fail me.
Hey guys, don’t talk about other blogs… I get jealous…
Man this is the most boring end of season ever!! No signings, no glimmer of a signing, nothing!!
Anyone know if there’s any footie on the box this weekend?
odub there is the IPL final on sunday if you’re interested.. but i’m not so gotta get out of my shell and socialize a bit.. coz next week.. the EURO’s are here!!!!
if we sold hleb then that’ll get the ball rolling
choy what’s the IPL?
at a guess indian prem?
Here Pedro sorry mate but you just reminded me and i feel the need to share my findings.
on ‘The Arsenal View’ Blog they have got that little to talk about that they have decided to spend the summer posting porn… boring wankers
irish pissed league
yeah the twenty twenty cricket thats going on!!
so I take it that’s cricket?!! My answer would be no choy, thanks for the offer though mate!!!
Right off to the arsenal view I go!! Porn sounds ok to me, beats sitting here waiting for arsenal to announce fuck all!
lol james!
Goonerjay… you cheated on Le Grove?
Was it better?
Do you love them…
Can it ever be the same again?
I feel so betrayed…
who’s the fav star odub?!!!
Got another pount on this 6+5 rule.
Say it came in (which it never will as it’s illegal – sorry, just needed to add that !!!) and Arsenal had 8 English players in their squad of 22 (for instance) and of those 8 English players, 4 were injured……… would we have to play with 9 men??????
Double O there is england playing on sunday, ireland last night england on the night before what more do you want?leeds to be promoted?!!!
Czech Republic v Scotland today
Italy v Belgium
friendly matches on today
ignore my ignorance people.. who are the 3 clubs that are promoted..
i know hull is one.. the others?
Stoke and WBA
It meant nothing to me Pedro honest!!!!
What you on about choy? My fav porn star?!!
Saw the Keane goal when I got in from the gym chris, apparently nothing else happened so I didnt miss much!! So nothing on tomorrow?!
no, it would be 8 men. RvP would be injured
Regarding the post about South Africa’s cricket team. South Africa are not part of the EU.
You’re going to have to do a lot of commenting to make up for this…
Septic Bladder is a twat. His ideas are based solely on jealousy of how great the EPL is.
heheh!!!
How about a joke Pedro… it always helps with the other half?!
One evening a family brings their frail, elderly mother to a nursing home and leaves her, hoping she will be well cared for. The next morning, the nurses bathe her, feed her a tasty breakfast, and set her in a chair at a window overlooking a lovely flower garden.
She seems OK, but after a while she slowly starts to lean over sideways in her chair. Two attentive nurses immediately rush up to catch her and straighten her up. Again she seems OK, but after a while she starts to tilt to the other side. The nurses rush back and once more bring her back upright. This goes on all morning. Later the family arrives to see how the old woman is adjusting to her new home. “So Ma, how is it here? Are they treating you all right?” they ask.
“It’s pretty nice,” she replies. “Except they won’t let you fart.”
haha… forgiven!
Obviously South AFRICA is not part of the EU .. it was an example that a law similar to this is used somewhere … I think SA got rid of that racial quota last year though. Not sure.
lol!! goonerjay strikes again!!!
he is on fire today!!!
the beeb are reporting that Nasri will join Arsenal, the club are just agreeing terms.
Source the beeb
http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/football/gossip_and_transfers/7426938.stm
I know evry1 is sick of nasri right now, but watch this video. He does one thing that hleb only dreams of doing, BLOODY SHOOT!
B-)Maybe Wenger could make Toure and Gallas co-captains to solve the problem and definitely pay Toure at least the same amoumt of money per week as Gallas. I think that we need a goalkeeper (PSV’s Gomes), a big and aerially dominant centre back (not many truly quality ones nowadays like Adams or Terry to a lesser extent – maybe Raul Albiol or Zapata), two defensive midfielders (Veloso and Yaya Toure), a left winger (Ben Arfa) and a striker to cover van Persie or Eduardo due to injuries (Stuttgart’s Gomez or Villa or Huntelaar). Some cover for the full back positions would be appreciated as well whether we buy or use Eboue (you have to admit he was quite solid as a right back especially during the UEFA Champions League 2006) and Traore.
Does anybody agree and if not, what do you propose?
i just think we need more depth, but i’m with what your saying. this is what i think….
Villa is the top striker Arsenal need, a perfect partner for Adebayor. Pricey but if the Hleb sale goes through then that brings around 15m extra. Nasri is as good as ours and he will be a brilliant prospect, plenty of flair and should fit easily in to the team. Toure is one of the many names being banded around for Flamini’s replacement but would be the most logical as he is out of favour with Barca and has publicly stated his desire to play with big bro Kolo. Hennessey, again, may be costly but a great homegrown goalkeeping talen and we must strengthen on the position. Ramsey would be a great signing and at only 17, has a great future ahead and what better club to go to than Arsenal for his development. Secure all these or similar players in the same positions, plus a centre back, and the leagues ours. Tall order for Wenger who doesn’t believe in big money transfers but this could be the time to break the mould.
Under Blatters rules, could be dangerous not having a non English captain !!!!!!!
theo for captain!!!!!!!
Kremmin for Captain…………!!!!
Sorry, the liquid lunch strikes again!
Right! I’ve had it with Newsnow they’re just recycling the same stories! No more! I’ll wait for Le Grove to give me breaking news from now on! No point counting on arsenal.com, they’re saying we’ve just signed some chap called Steve Bould!!!
a bould move you might say
ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahha jesus christ someone sign nasri
if i had the dough i would sign up megan fox as our official cheerleader!!!
It’s Friday we should be cheerful
A small guy goes into an elevator and notices a huge guy standing next to him. The big guy looks down on the small white guy and says, “Seven foot tall, three hundred fifty pounds, twenty-inch dick, three-pound left ball, three-pound right ball, Turner Brown.”
The small guy faints!
The big guy picks up the small guy and brings him to, slapping his face and shaking him. He asks the small guy, “What’s wrong?”
The small guy says, “Excuse me, but what did you say?”
The big guy looks down and says “Seven foot tall, three hundred fifty pounds, twenty-inch dick, three- pound left ball, three-pound right ball, my name is Turner Brown.”
The small guy says, “Thank God, I thought you said, “Turn around.”
shall we start a new discussion….
if you had the money and could only invest it in an arsenal cheerleading team, who would you buy?
thats prob the best joke yet goonerjay, apart from the irish guy and spending his life in between the wifes legs
hmm…. its gotta have elisha cuthbert
Afternoon Grovers…
What’s the latest?
Jessica Alba would make a great cheer leader…
davoody same as it’s been since the last signing we made (Luke Freeman) fuck all!
yes pedro.. hot mom’s are welcome as well.!!
aye, we’re clutching at the hope of some signings davoody. jokes aplenty here though
Salma Hayek… she can shake her pom poms at me any time.
@Choy…
And there i was thinking today would be the day….
Goonerjay…admit it.You own your own stand-up comedy joint dont you?
Dont ever stray from Le-Grove bro, youre a “national treasure” here!!
How you come up with quality upon quality jokes baffles me!!
Vida Guerra… she’d make my cheerleading team too
Now I know why we dont win trophy!!! It is because of Flamini’s badluck, within one month when he left us, his badluck has revealed that he is the one behind our lack of trophies. First the club he transferred to has a badluck of not playing in uefa league next year, and also he is finally dropped from France euro 2008, how unlucky can one’s badluck affect a whole team?
Halle Berry, Charlize Theron, and a young Uma Thurman…add the Queen of Jordan as the thinking man’s totty!! job done!
@ James…..Salma Hayek, Halle Berry, Eva Mendes ALL shaking their pom poms wearing just…well, the pom poms.Red and White ofcourse,……