Le Grove

As promised earlier, a match review from man in the back row, Bud!

Gents (& Ladies of course), what can one say about yesterdays game that Prince Pedro of of Le-Grove hasn’t already said?

You may think that is a stupid statement as he hasn’t really said anything about the game, but that’s just it, it was all a bit training ground. In no way am I criticising Arsenals performance, it was clean, it was clinical, its just

Newcastle are… well… errrr… crap !!!!

Anyway, will come to the game shortly. First of all, I would like to ask how/why, Blogger Geoff, owner of Ferrari’s, Astons and his own Chopper, managed to emerge from an off-license last night with 5 cans of Tchavski 6.3% proof polish lager (at 73p a tinny), when he was going in for a packet of hamlets and something for the weekend??? Strangely it was quite nice, even if the name was hard to swallow; and most satisfying to piss down a toilet like Abramovich’s money, and clearly, together with the 3 pints at half time, Tchavski played its part in

Geoff’s spacial awareness issues!

Right, so here goes, I think all I can give you is an honest if somewhat drunken player rating on last nights game:

Almunia - Rumour has it that he got as high up as row V signing signatures during the 2nd half, such was his burning desire to do something yesterday………. One of his more comfortable evenings. 7

Sagna - As strange as this may sound, especially as he is my favourite player this year; whilst Sagna was faultless (again!), I thought young Hoyte was more penetrating on Saturday. 7

Clichy - He’s got Ashley’s position, now he wants his wife. Rumour has it also, that if France don’t pick him soon, he’s going to take English nationality and take Cuntley’s England spot too. Awesome as always. 8

Gallas - Well, he is the man. Captain Fantastic was (I know this is starting to sound boring, but as I say, it was an odd training game kind of spectacle) solid, had Owen in his pocket and generally had a trouble free evening. Good distribution, nice hair. 7

Senderos - Big Phil… well what can I say? 3 clean sheets on the trot. 9 for - 0 against and its all down to you buddy. Work on that distribution and other people apart from me and Pedro might start liking you again. Solid, comfortable and didn’t leave me with my stomach coming out of my mouth every time he had the ball. The tide is turning Big Man. 7

Diaby - Strangely looked better on the highlights that I watched this morning than he did last night, not that he looked bad, but just didn’t stand out for me. He did OK, but gonna give him a seven for a cracking shot with his left foot, which according to Le-Grove Optic stats was the first ever time he’s touched a ball with his left, so well deserved. 7

Fabregas - Still not back to his best, but that was still better than anything he was up against last night. It just seems that final ball he plays at the moment is just not getting through like it did at the beginning of the season. Good goal though, although, was it a slice? Fab, any chance you could post a comment to confirm this point? 7

Flamini - More Fabulous than Fabregas again last night. An overall impressive, energetic stand out performance and well deserving of the Le-Grove Man of the Match Bottle of Warnicks Advocaat. What about that cross for Ade’s goal, and what about that hum-dinger rocket of a goal! C’est Magnifique! 9

Hleb - Not really at the races last night. Was still better than anyone in black and white, but if I was writing his school report, I’d have to say, “Can do better”. Come on you little twisty turny sticky thing, we need King Alex back firing! 6

Eduardo - At some point, we are going to have to stop saying he is going to be one hell of a player when it clicks for him, but in the meantime, he is going to be one hell of a player when it clicks for him. Ran his little legs off and overall, put in a lot of work for the team. 7

Adebayor - Good goal AGAIN. And worked hard off the ball, which in the past had been a criticism aimed at him. At 11ft 7inches, the man is a giant and with each game he is growing. 8

Subs:

Bendtner - Looked lively when he come on and a nice set up for Fabs goal. Also, went head to head again with Ade, but in celebration this time. 7

Gilberto - I thought he looked younger and more spritely last night when he came on, but Newcastle were shit, but I’m going to give him the benefit of the doubt. 7

Walcott - Not on long enough to produce his dazzling array of skills and trickery. Oops sorry, wrong player! Seriously, made some great runs, but still as nervous as a Cashley on a Sunday morning! 6

Le Grove would like the thank Bud for that stellar review!

John McCruik I hear you say? This isn’t the racing post blog is it? Let me explain…

Blogger Geoff had the indignity of sitting in front of the loud mouth John McCruick. If any of you know Blogger Geoff, you’ll know that he wont accept anyone being more famous than himself.

Double chin… or hiding place of missing race horse Shergar?

Blogger Geoff, who once shoved Beckham into a wall for trying to barge him (Witnessed by myself), sat next to Posh spice in an airport and told her to ‘Shut the fuck up and sit somewhere else’ for being too noisy on her mobile and told Gary Lineker he would kick him out his golf buggy unless he owned up to being a Leicester Fan; was once again on top form.

Story goes… John Mac was piping up in the seat behind him, Geoff bided his time, bite his tongue if you will. He knew good things come to those who wait (He’s seen that Guinness advert a thousand times)… BANG… Ade nets! Geoff seizes his moment, he jumps up ready to dance in the fat mans face with a carefully choreographed childish celebration… however, Geoffs spacial awareness had suffered under the stench of the fat one, he had failed to realise the beast was leaning forward - thus resulting in an accidental clip to the forehead! Old John was furious but he had to accept the accident… what were the odds of that happening I wonder (Please… please… humour overload at my pun!)?

Bravo Geoff! Everyone in the UK thinks that guy is a cunt… you should be Knighted! What was he doing sitting in the Arsenal end anyway? Useless stewards, more interested in telling our own fans to sit down and stop singing…

If you hear that fat prat trapping off on GMTV / Talkshite today, remember how the story went…

Anyway, Big Phil managed to keep a clean sheet against Owen, Almunia made a fine save to keep our goal difference within touching distance of ManU and the Flamster managed to peach a 30 yard screamer into the top right hand corner to put the game beyond doubt!

Talking of the Flamster, Arsene had this to say,

“He wants to stay, and I want him to stay, so we will find an agreement. It’s a question of patience and good positive discussions. I am not especially concerned, because I believe what he tells me.”

Double flipping excellent if you ask me! Providing the Flamster isn’t a lying cunt bag…

Some excellent debating in the comments section yesterday! I felt like King Leonidas at one point, Battling the Persian Big Phil detractors with my blogging life, but then the cavalry arrived! I love Arsenal, you love Arsenal - fuck it… we all love Arsenal! So lets try and build on yesterdays positivity (Yeah I know…), like Arsenal build up the cash surplus! We should enjoy the position we are in, even if it is only for a day!!

We’re top of the league and on course for the treble, oh and wing man Diaby has signed a contract till 2012!

As I wasn’t at the game yesterday and blogger Geoff was being questioned by the horsey police, I have asked Bud (A long time commenter on Le Grove) to write the match report. It will be with you this afternoon, and I hope you enjoy it!

Happy Wednesday guys!

Say we are top of the league… you know the rest!

So yesterday saw a defining point in Arsenals season.

Arsene Wenger chose not to sign Jonathan Woodgate, instead deciding to place his faith in Big Phil.

Is this the biggest gamble of his career?

Well, can you think of a more important decision over the last ten years? Has the pressure ever been higher? Has the Title race ever been this close? Have the fans ever been so unanimous in thinking we need cover at centre back!

As fans we are craving Silverware like Ashley Cole craves blonde single Mums… Arsene knows this.

Arsene also knows he ‘could’ have snapped up a player who is not cup tied, experienced in the Champions League, English and talented and all for under £10 million. Instead, he has joined our rivals up the road leaving Big Phil to Marshall the back four for the rest of the month.

Don’t be fooled though guys, remember this is a player with huge injury problems (an average of 13 games a season), a penchant bashing people of alternate race and a player who failed to make the grade at Real Madrid.

Am I bovered? Of course not! This is the second big decision Arsene has had to make this transfer window. The first being whether or not to re-sign Anelka. Wenger decided not to, and so far the decision has been vindicated… Ade has been beating the shit of some poor cows backside with a banjo all season now!

We have allowed Arsene to guide our season so far and lets be honest, he is doing a grand job, so the only decent thing to do would be to let him proceed with ‘Project Kid ‘, and to back the team! Big Phil needs your support if he is going to get through this!

Next up in the cup be the Dirty Reds from Salford, just our luck! Should be a cracker though and it could have an impact on the title race (Eboue could damage Ronaldo, that would be unfortunate?). In injury news, King Kolo is not long term, Rosicky will be back soon and RvP starts training this morning! So all is rosy in the world of Arse!

So today, let the comments section be a forum of positivity and remember, to receive all your Arsenal silverware dreams this season, please e-mail the link to this blog to 5 people… and er, donate some cash!

Happy Tuesday, here’s to a 4-0 drubbing of the Toon!

Good morning Grovers!

Its a grey day for us, Kolo Toure was stretchered off in the Ivory Coasts victory on the ACN, and Eboue was struck down with a bout of mental illness. It is unknown how long Toure will be out for but there is a serious fear Eboue maybe sectioned along with Amy Winehouse when he returns to the UK. The Arsenal medical staff were alerted to Eboues after he rambled this when pressed about interest from Milan and Juventus,

‘I didn’t want to talk about that. What I can say is that many big clubs spoke to Arsenal about a transfer in the January transfer window.’

How fucking delusional is he? 19 starts and no goals, virtually no assists and he thinks he is being tapped up by Milan! It got worse though, when told about Ade and Nikki, he said this,

‘For me, you have to take care when you are on the pitch and be careful because a lot people are watching the game’

Sound advice from a bastion of fair play and good will!

All at Le Grove wish Eboue a speedy recovery.

Kolo will be the bigger loss though, there are fears his tournament maybe over after being stretchered of just before half time… after he set his brother up for a goal! Nightmare… could it be cheque book time Arsene?

Wenger had this to say about the Spuds game,

‘We had 500 passes, Tottenham 222. We had 64 per cent of possession and we had 18 shots on goal, Tottenham 12, and we lost 5-1. That sums up the game.’

Brilliant analysis Arsene and I’m sure you have a great spread sheet to back that up but last time I checked, we lost 5-1. Clutching at straws springs to mind.

Young Guns reckon we have signed a winger for next year, at least he is old enough to buy a pint.

Other than that, the feeds are pretty boring this morning!

Newcastle are today, and I think we are going to rip them a new Arsenal hole…

I am in a corporate box today guys, so if anyone who knows me spots me… please don’t talk to me? Its embarrassing…

Just kidding guys!

Enjoy today!

So we are being linked with swapping (on loan) Theo with Babel, can’t see that but I sure wouldn’t mind it for 6 months, don’t get me wrong, I really rate Theo, but he needs to get his experience playing week in week out.

Babel is far more the finished product and should have been an Arsenal player had we moved faster, which is why I couldn’t see why they would do
that deal, as Babel is hardly used anyway, why would Theo fare any better? Freeman is about to become an Arsenal player, Christ how long does it take
to sign a 15 year old? He has been dubbed Theo mark II, hardly a compliment?

Nordtveit, the kid with the hardest to say name in football has returned to training after 3 months out injured, and he’s training with the first team,
interesting, he’s 17 and so was Tony Adams, so maybe he is the answer, but again, I doubt it.

Wenger’s talking about resting players tomorrow, but I don’t understand it, why do players need rest, isn’t that what players want? to play all the time, it’s not like their careers lasts forever is it?

Ade and Bendtner escape a ban which is good and Ade’s promised not to call him shit again, Bendtner by all accounts has promised not to be shit again,
as has Gallas, Denilson, Diaby and Traore (did I miss anyone?).

Great then Grovers, it’s all sorted, we’re going to smash Kevin Keegan’s entertainers!

Expect a big score, to whom I’m not sure, just kidding!!! 4 nil to the Arsenal and back on track in style.

Word on the street is Wenger has finally admitted Theo is not where he wanted him to be and wants him loaned out to a premiership club, I would choose Derby or usual suspects Wigan or Birmingham, I think it’s just what he needs and can only make him a better player.

I will be supporting Chelsea in the Carling Cup final, I so want to see the spuds get hammered so I can start texting all those low life in-breds back, I never thought I could cheer the chavs but war does make strange bed fellows, so come on you Chaaa-aaavs!

Onto all things Arsenal, having the Geordies come down to the Grove could not have worked out better, wounded Arsenal will have a lot to prove to the fans and basically Newcastle are shit, they’re just a small team in Scotland and shouldn’t be in the Premier League, they are like a northern spuds, so I expect a bounce back cup and league double.

A huge amount of hits yesterday Grovers, we must have said something that you liked, so nice going Pedro, I couldn’t go near anything for a long time yesterday as my life was over, however today is a new and fresh start, let those cheese dicks have their day, it won’t last long.

I think we should all try and guess what was said by Ade before he nutted Nick, Nick’s daddy wasn’t happy and wants Ade fined, what an embarrassing parent eh?

Have a nice day and thank the good lord that Everton didn’t win!

We’re signing Messi… well, maybe not, but I needed to find something to make you feel better this morning. If you can’t find solace in Sportingo, I fear you will only turn to drugs or booze to numb the pain.

Well, now you’re here, you may as well read my emotional rant.

Many Gooners harped on about starting with a first 11 that could compete.

Well, when the team sheet came out, many peoples prayers were answered (I’ve highlighted the starting 11 in black… in case you were wondering.).

2 Abou DIABY
3 Bacary SAGNA
4 Cesc FABREGAS
9 EDUARDO
10 William GALLAS
13 Alexander HLEB
15 DENILSON
16 Mathieu FLAMINI
19 GILBERTO
21 Lukasz FABIANSKI (GK)
25 Emmanuel ADEBAYOR
26 Nicklas BENDTNER
30 Armand TRAORE
31 Justin HOYTE
32 Theo WALCOTT
40 Vito MANNONE (GK)

We started as we went on. Terribly.

The Spuds beat us to every ball and dominated us with their superior passing and hunger.

Danny Zucko picked up the ball, waltzed through our defence and peached a low shot into the bottom corner.

One up inside five minutes. Fucking awful. I really hate that cunt. He really is the biggest cunt in the world. One hundred and twenty seconds in and we were a goal down, what a fucking joke.

Please remember this is a rant, not a match review.

Denilson ping’s his hammy after about 10 mins, hobbles around for a bit, then the ball is played out by Gilberto (Remember if this is RvP you know he is out for the year), Gary Lewin runs on and manages to fix his busted tendon with a sponge (Gary, why do you only use this sponge on Denilson and Senderos?)! WHAT! We wanted Fabregas on!

10 minutes later our saviour arrives (Put the sponge back in the bucket Lewin…)! Marvellous I thought, we’re going to tank them!

So the game goes on, some spud is fouled 40 yards out. Danny Zucko steps up, whips a cross into the box… and who is there to nod it in… NIKKI B! Fantastic; next time a corner or a free kick is awarded against us in a dangerous position, can I suggest Nikki of huge bollocks does not mark anyone?

Great goal though Nikki, the keeper didn’t have a chance!

Just before half time, Berbatov broke free of our concentrationless (it’s a word…) defence and managed to hit the post! Hooray I shouted - a shot that didn’t go in!

Half time arrives.

I called Blogger Geoff and said this:

You know what? I am confident we can turn this around, I will say this though.

You can get away with one sloppy midfielder, but not two. Gilberto has been atrocious and if he’d been playing for the Spuds he’d be getting his 100% passing accuracy bonus because he found a Spud every time. Diaby was at his shocking best. I like him, he shows glimpses of huge talent, but tonight he is woeful.

We can’t cope with their combined poorness.

Traore is letting the defence down with his poor positioning and passing. Fair enough, he’ll be great, but he has struggled this year in the Carling Cup.

Gallas is terrible. Every time I’ve shouted at Hoyte, I realised it was Gallas fucking up. He has been turned inside out about 4 times by the Spuds.

I also took issue with Fabianski. Had he saved a shot? Ok, the first was as tight into the bottom corner as you can get, and the second was Bendtner at his best. It was just pissing me off. I was in a rage. Forgive me.

I was confident though. The Spuds had played out of their skin, could they do it for 45 more minutes? Doubtful.

So the second half got under way, we looked much better. Good passing, good movement and a few half chances.

Until Berbatov picked up the ball, slipped Keane through, who nailed it past ‘Fabicantsave’.

4-1 down… my god… texts were filling my phone up like a closed ITV voting poll.

We could still win 4-5 I thought! Naïve fool…

Nikki B managed to hit the bar 20 seconds after the restart… Shit… things were not going our way…

Adebayor came on and made a slight difference, banging a solo effort into the top corner. Well played that man, 16 for the season!

Alan Smith took time to remind us that when Ade scores, we never lose.

Thanks Alan, you cunt. I don’t give a fuck about your history with Arsenal. Your commentary reeks of butt kissing so bad, I’d have to take you out of the Sky Studio and bath you in Listerine to wash the smell of shit from your breath. You are a disgrace. I hope you enjoyed talking about every Spurs goal for 15 minutes, then showing the replay 6 times. We all really enjoyed that… you are totally the most unbiased commentator on the Sky panel. Congratulations.

Still, at least now Alan had informed me of that great stat, I knew we could win 5-6…!

Until Jenas Zucko set up another one… my god… I wanted to die… his slick backed hair was like kryptonite to my eyes, I had to look away from the screen every time he appeared.

Things got worse though. We won a corner, all the Arsenal players gathered in the box and Adebayor whispered in Bendtners ear,

‘Hey Nikki, pretend you’re defending this one’

Que uproar and hand bags! Nikki B got upset, said something to Adebayor… and was duly butted! It didn’t matter as the 19^th Arsenal corner of the night didn’t make it past the front post…

The final whistle blew… Spuds singing, “Are you Derby in disguise”… all very depressing…

My world had just imploded, happy smiling spuds everywhere. The only time in the last decade I ever saw these smiling faces was when we lost in the Champions league and Spurs fans had come to support the opposing team. This was a disaster…

Then I took a moment and thought, you know what? We didn’t deserve it… It’s the worthless cup…Lady luck blew her beans all over Spurs tonight and we’re going to win the League and we get to play Milan in three weeks…

I’m still gutted though…

But fuck it, we’re signing Messi… so it doesn’t matter…